I’ve been through a lot in my life. None of that is relevant, but what is relevant is how I dealt with it. I didn’t run away from my problems by turning to drinking, drugs, nor partying. I sit by myself and I think long and hard about my issues. I journal and I get it onto paper. Sometimes I seek therapy and counsel. I do all the hard work to make sure I get through the tough times. And when I find resolve, I hold onto it, doing my best not to repeat the same mistakes again.
Heartache offers steep learning lessons in life. More often than not, I come out the other side enlightened. It’s akin to walking through fire: everything must be scorched to the ground before rising again like a cliche phoenix from the ashes. That’s big Scorpio energy. Breaking oneself down, metamorphosis, and then re-birth. Coming back stronger than ever.
It isn’t easy though, walking through fires. It can be incredibly painful. But it is from this pain that I find lessons, and from these lessons I obtain wisdom.
Wisdom has a way of drawing people in. It offers insight and perspective. People are drawn to those who are evolved. I’ve shed many layers in my 32 years of life and these green eyes have seen a lot. The last 2 years especially! Surviving the pademz while also finding ways to survive. Sharpening my skills as a swim coach in the process.
Because I am more complete than I am incomplete, what I’ve learned is that people think I can fix them. I once had a beautiful man, the first night I met him, say to me: “You can fix me.” And when I looked into his big brown eyes, I almost believed him. I knew better of course. I’d been through 3 serious boyfriends prior and I knew this isn’t how love worked, but his charm overtook my logic, and I regressed. It ended painfully because I learned once again that I can’t be responsible for anybody else’s happiness outside of my own. Tons of therapy taught me this.
Wisdom radiates throughout my aura. This sounds incredibly cocky and arrogant but I don’t care. Why? Because I know who I am, I know where I came from, and I know where I’m going. I’m a human spirit driven by emotional fulfillment rather than materialistic possessions. I have very little to lose in life, and that can be very intimidating to people. Why? Because I’m in touch with what is real and they are not. I might be in this world, but I am not of this world.
People spend their entire lives trying to learn about who they are. Many get to their deathbed and still don’t know who they are. Most don’t know where they came from, nor do they know where they’re going. These are lost people. Spiritually broken without anything to look forward to. Their main focus in life is a holiday once or twice a year, and maybe a pair of pretty new shoes, or even an expensive fragrance. Whatever it is, which is usually something materialistic, it’s never enough to sustain the human spirit.
I have a warm spirit that radiates to the outside. Roald Dahl wrote about it in his novel “The Twits”: if you think good thoughts, and are a kind, considerate soul, you’ll stay beautiful forever. Deepak Chopra talks about this in his work “Radical Beauty,” the idea being that internal beauty has a way of becoming external, which is something that a lot of people pick up on.
Many mistakenly think that I’m capable of healing or fixing them too. And the truth is: you cannot heal anybody else by being within close proximity to a healed person, it doesn’t work that way. Another gem I learned through copious amounts of therapy.
Over time I’ve learned to reject all baggage that is not my own. This can become incredibly frustrating for spiritually broken people. It’s the old adage: “the reason why you love them is also the reason why you cannot stand them.” I am complete and I am whole, and the reason why they cannot stand me is because my sense of security and self-awareness highlights the lack of emotional fulfillment they have in their own lives. Jealousy, ugly feelings, and misery soon follows. And as they say: misery loves company. I downright refuse to be miserable.
So then they start pulling all the stops to try and tear me down to their low frequency. Rather than elevating and getting onto my level, and walking through fires I have, they choose to project their insecurities onto me. What a terrible way to live life. Hoping that somebody else can become as self-loathing as they are. And it never works because I’m in touch with my shadow self.
I’m aware of the darkness within me, and rather than running away and hiding from it, I acknowledge it. Sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes I experience low-frequency vibrations. But it is through recognition of these feelings that opens up the door for me to seeing it in other people. I don’t run away from ugly feelings anymore. I invite them forward, embrace them, and then find ways to convert that negative energy into positive change. This is the secret to to a fulfilling and joyful life: taking pain and converting it into something beautiful.
This is why I love being a swim coach so much. Because I’ve lived through so much pain these last 2 years, and I’m in the process of channeling it into creating a beautiful swim business. I get to work with kids, which brings me so much joy you couldn’t even begin to imagine. I get to shape them, and I’m entrusted to guide them. I foster an environment of growth. And after all that, I get to collect a paycheck doing the thing I love. It’s not based on moving product and spreadsheets, its based on development, nurturing, growth. What a beautiful way to make a living.
And you'll soon see that in life, when you’re in a good and happy place, you don’t feel the need to tear other people down. When you’re in a great place, you’ll find ways to elevate others, in a very profound, sincere, and impactful, lifelong way. This is one of my strengths as a swim coach. I’m constantly looking to elevate my swimmers.
The skill of introspection makes me incredibly unique. It is something that other people can obtain for themselves but the problem is that it takes an incredible amount of hard work peeling away at the layers of your own personal shortcomings. It takes a lot of discipline, and people would much rather soothe their emotions with drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol than fix their deep emotional wounds. And who can blame them? It is so much easier to have a quick fix than it is to dig deep inside yourself to fix root causes of pain.
Anybody can project pain onto another person without owning their own shit first. Do you know how hard it is to sit by yourself and think about all the mistakes you’ve made in life? It’s really fucken hard. Why? Because it hurts the ego! But in order for real spiritual awakening to happen, we must kill, or at the very least, silence our egos. That’s why the experience of ego death is so incredibly important; it’s the only way we can even begin to think about awakening before we can begin ascending.
I’m unafraid of walking through fires in life. It’s a part of every human’s journey. I encourage others to do it, but ultimately it isn’t up to me to help anybody else figure themselves out. I’ve got too much of my own shit to deal with. Yet still, I hold onto hope and space in my heart for people to change themselves.
I need others to step up and get on my level. I’m no longer allowing people to drag me down anymore. And so, life can get lonely. But I’d rather be lonely with my healthy light than surrounded by people who are constantly trying to steal it because they’re too lazy to create their own.
My life feels like that of a firefly: people are always trying to trap me in a jar to use my light. And me being a Sagittarius, the moment I feel trapped in any way whatsoever, I’m out!
I still have a lot of work to do. I’m far from perfect. But, I’ve done a lot of hard work on myself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I can’t wait to share that with my team. I said it once, and I’ll say it again for good measure: I might be living in this world, but I am not of this world.