My God, why is taking the first step always the hardest?
I’m going to be honest with you: I’ve been at war with my mind lately. Unsure what it is I’m wanting to create and say with this space while also somehow knowing exactly what it is I want to say.
Is this a sex story site now? Why are you still putting out recipes? What’s the brand? What’s the focus? What’s the IDENTITY?
And the truth is: I don’t fucking know!!!!!!!
I create whatever I want and feel compelled to create in that moment. It is whimsical and not pre-planned. It comes when inspiration strikes and I follow whatever feels alive.
This doesn’t exactly make it easy to build an audience because you, my audience, don’t really know what to expect next. Is it going to be an Ig dump dripping with symbolism and coded messaging buried in the music and lyric choices? A YouTube video where I occasionally share pearls of wisdom? OR are you going to get the ranting and raving lunacy that is my X page? Perhaps my truest form of performance art: the Twittersphere.
My point is that I’m not creating with any structure or routine and that probably hurts me.
I’m always oscillating between being all-in and not trying at all and I think I know why: all of this starts to feel pointless when I’m not actually able to get my messaging out there via social media. So I feel defeated before I even begin. And what’s worse is that this is exactly how they want people feeling: broken, defeated, exhausted before they even stand up and try.
Fundamentally, I know I’ll get over this because I owe it to myself and to the world to share my knowledge and truth. But this is exactly what I battle with: is there any marketability in telling the truth when it is consistently so profitable to lie?
I see people making money off lies every single day on social media and yet I can barely bring myself to market truth. It’s this weird tension where I know what I have to say is important, but there’s perhaps a gap between what I want to do and what I have to do in order for it to survive in this modern social media climate.
Because I don’t want to be online all the time. I don’t want to constantly bombard people with myself just to get my shit out there. But this is what digital social media marketing has become. It doesn’t reward people who create cool shit. It rewards people who consistently keep posting.
And that becomes deeply defeating as a creative because you want to keep creating, but what you create starts getting diluted in terms of meaning and quality. It becomes a numbers-of-posts game rather than a quality-content game.
Art gets strangled by commerce.
I try to create from a place that I know is sustainable. I don’t have time to sit and edit videos. And even if I did have the time, why would I waste it doing that when I know it’s probably going to be buried by the algorithm anyway?
Do you see how this becomes a vicious cycle? One that makes it feel impossible to even begin.
When I see influencers spamming my home feed I don’t think to myself: “WOW! Let me go out and buy that product.”
I think: “WOW! SHE LOOKS REALLY DESPERATE HAWKIN’ PRODUCTS!”
And I do not, under any circumstances in my life, ever want to appear desperate. Especially not on something as visible as social media.
I like to think of what I’m creating as more important than moving product. What I’m trying to do is help people in the best way I know how: by sharing my own personal experience. I’m not trying to sell you a subscription, an album, or a pair of sneakers. I’m trying to get you to a place of everlasting happiness.
One where you don’t need anything physical to feel comfortable or important because you possess an inner-wisdom and self-esteem that sets you apart.
That way, when you wear the sneakers or buy the album, you’re able to enjoy them as part of the human experience without them becoming the central focus of it.
YOU wear the SHOE rather than the SHOE wearing YOU.
But you see, this becomes dangerous because if you stop buying products then people stop making money. And do you really think they’re going to promote, for free, a philosophy that loosens people’s grip on materialism when so much of social media marketing is entirely predicated on materialism?
Especially when the businesses keeping you in a materialistic state are paying exorbitant amounts of money in advertising just to keep those products at the forefront of your eyesight?
Babe. I don’t stand a chance!
It’s like trying to stand with a tiny protest sign against a gigantic tidal wave of consumerism. I’m trying to free y’all from this physical world yet the mechanics and machinations are so stacked against me and I’m unwilling to sacrifice my own dignity just to self-market in this highly competitive attention economy.
So the conclusion I’ve come to is this: people come to my page. They know this. I know this. We know this. And the people arriving here are often people who’ve reached a stage in their life where they want change or transformation. They’re beginning to see through the psy-op farce and they want something real.
I am that real thing.
This space is me enveloping and expressing my consciousness in a way that might shift your perspective too.
And that is a very, very powerful thing.
To shift somebody’s perspective. To provide that “aha!” moment. The one we all crave in order to better understand ourselves. The thing we’re all really searching for when we scroll the algorithm: resonance.
I possess high levels of resonance. It is a powerful gift. By merely reading my words you are being enveloped in my consciousness. And it is through that envelopment that I hope to change both yourself, myself, and hopefully the world too.
I want to feed your spirit. I want to reconnect you with what’s important. I’m deeply interested in how technology and the old world of spirituality intersect in meaningful ways that can help us better understand ourselves.
And social media is not the outside world. We are being reminded of this time and time again. These platforms are not owners of the internet. They are simply vehicles through which we experience it.
So while we may not get as many UVPMs (unique visitors per month) as Facebook.com or Instagram.com, AminiFonua.com is still a very valid and important space on the internet for liberating and freeing people’s minds. A space where we as living beings can share tips on self-care and develop a deeper self-awareness within ourselves.
Okay wow. This was one rambling mess of a post. But I think I needed to get it down pen-to-paper so I can stop carrying this defeatist feeling around all the time.
Phew.
Okay, getting this up and out there makes me feel a lot better.
Thanks for reading.
