Yesterday was weird. I apologize for not publishing a blog post. I did write something yesterday and published it very briefly but once I started reading it, I decided it would be best to leave it unpublished.
For whatever reason, yesterday I felt off-kilter. My emotions were all over the place and I felt incredibly charged. My body felt hot. I felt this underlying, seething, white hot rage as I went about my day. How funny is it that only the previous day I was talking about how important it is to have low cortisol levels! And then here we are very next day with cortisol seeping out of every pore. Perhaps it was because the moon started in Pisces and quickly shifted to Aries the next day. Maybe it's because I'm back to being a health nut again and my body is detoxing. Who knows!?
In any endeavor, that aggressive tone made its way over into my writing and it was not good. So I decided to stop what I was doing and practice some self-awareness. I went to the gym to de-stress, which is usually my outlet but yesterday it seemed to make things worse. I then sat in the dry sauna for 20 minutes, trying to sweat it out. And all of a sudden it got worse.
I called my therapist and we spoke about it. They suggested I do activities to de-stress other than the gym. They also said that anxiety, anger, and sadness are both all very normal feelings to be experienced when going through a cleanse or detox program. They said that the gym is beneficial for the detox process, as is the Sauna, but overwhelming the body with a strong detox will come with overwhelming emotions. The stronger the detox, the stronger the internal cleansing. The stronger the emotions, the more necessary the detox is. After a quick Google search I see that the G.I. tract is associated in Traditional Chinese Medicine with feelings of anger, resentment, contempt, lack of forgiveness, and sadness. They don't call it "liver fire" for nothing!
Wow! These are literally exactly all the feelings I've been experiencing throughout this lifestyle change. I'm glad that I'm making this brain, body, gut-heath connection!
So at the advice of my therapist, I decided that as a means of de-stressing, I'd dance in my room for a little bit. Lol! Sorry, can't talk! Gotta dance! Literal Doctor's orders. I put my headphones in and danced to Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, and Nicki Minaj. I gyrated my hips and threw my arms around like a crazy person. I did it with the blinds open too, so that all my neighbors could see what mental instability looks like, lmao.
But seriously, I felt so much better afterwards. Them therapists know a good ting or two when you find a good one that you can trust and open up to. Today's song goes to Britney Spears. Yes, the tabloid Queen has been splattered everywhere lately but I really love Britney Spears, the artiste. I always thought Britney had much more depth to her after watching the "Stronger" music video at 10 years old. I remember thinking: "she's really pretty but she's really saying something here!"
The song has become an anthem lately of sorts. When I was training for Tokyo 2020 and living in Chelsea, I'd Citi-bike home from NYAC and blast this song in my ears.
It was until recently that I realized the lyric: "My loneliness ain't killing me no more" is actually a play on the lyrics from Baby One More Time ("My loneliness, is killing me"). Now I do my daily high intensity interval training while listening to this song!
Honestly, Britney's mind y'all we don't deserve her! Literally curing my depression alongside Onika Tanya Maraj and Stefani Germanotta:
”You might think that I won’t make it, on my own.
But now I’m stronger than yesterday,
Now it’s nothing but my way!”