It’s quite surreal this view that I look out on every morning in my new high-rise apartment. I see almost the entire northern side of western Manhattan. It really is quite something! I feel so blessed and highly favored every time I wake up to this gorgeous view.
Because I have a water moon, I have a tendency to get quite nostalgic. When I look out at my view, I’m flooded with memories and moments. Every street corner has a story or a past. I’ve surprisingly spent quite a bit of time in Hell’s Kitchen! Most of the memories seem long ago, while other memories feel like yesterday. It’s funny how perception and time warp depending on where we’re at in our lives. The moments that affect me most feel like yesterday, while the moments that don't affect me feel like many lifetimes ago.
I see the apartment of my best friend from college, Melissa, whom I go on weekly walks through Central Park with. I'm seeing her later today to do one more lap around Central Park together. She’s currently 9 months pregnant with her first child so life is going to change rather soon so I've got to absorb as much time as I possibly can! I'm looking forward to being a Guncle and visiting them in Pennsylvania when they move next month!
I can also see the old apartment of ex #2 who used to live in Hell’s Kitchen on 55th and 9th. That truly feels like several lifetimes ago but was really only 5 years prior. He was in town recently and we caught up for cocktails at Meme’s Mediterranean a couple blocks from my new place. That was the last time I drank actually and I had 2 cocktails.
It was fun and it felt like two old pals hanging out. Since our breakup he left his job and started his own start-up app. This was something I encouraged him to do our entire time together because I knew he was brilliant, I believed in him, and I envisioned him being really effective at running his own business. The skill-set was already there, he just needed the confidence. And here we are now, 6 years later, his business is thriving! I was shocked to hear the figures of monthly earnings. His dream was to create a passive income for himself and he's well on his way.
My dream 6 years ago when we were together was to build a hotel with my family. We did that as well and he was very supportive throughout, even setting up meetings with his best friend who was an architect. We went through our blueprint and his friend offered amazing advice on how to use our upstairs corner space.
We spoke these dreams into reality and while it didn't work out together as a couple, there's something significant about our time together that birthed the inception of these two businesses. I think that being part of a couple is believing in one another's dreams but only if you can realistically see that dream becoming a reality. The skill-set must be there. If the skill-set is there and I can see it, then I'm sold. If the skill-set is lacking, I'll offer a thought on what areas can be improved in order to maximize the potential to succeed. Every partnership should, within realistic reason and accurate observation, encourage the process of dreaming. Dreams are for free and the imagination can be a powerful tool for envisioning the life you want for yourself. Who knows? It might just happen ;)
A couple blocks north and one avenue west is another street corner of significance: 57th and 10th. This is where ex #4 would pick me up after swim practice while I was preparing for the Tokyo Olympics. That was a really special time of my life and feels like only yesterday. I really loved the way he drove his luxury vehicle with such precision and confidence up and down the west side highway.
Beyond this I see the George Washington Bridge, which I used to cross over everyday to go to practice at NYAC while preparing for Tokyo. I can’t see my former suburb of Fort Lee because there are buildings in the way. However, I can see the top of The Modern Tower that is a part of downtown Fort Lee. The Modern Tower are these 2 high-rise buildings next to each other with neon blue lighting around the top of each tower. This building is also another location of significance for me.
When I was living in Bergen County I used to stare at The Modern building all the time. I wasn’t making a lot of money at the time being a Starbucks Barista and all, so to save money on groceries I’d walk a mile to the bus stop and catch the bus to the Edgewater Trader Joe’s. As I’d pass through downtown Fort Lee I’d stare at that building and tell myself that one day we’d be living there. And this is what I’d fantasize about.
I’d dream that my swim lesson business would take off. I’d dream that I could finally leave my job at Starbucks and be doing what I love, which is teaching swimming and helping kids develop confidence in the water. I’d dream that I could afford an Uber to and from my groceries instead of taking the bus! Ha. I guess you could call these my Jersey DreamZ! This was The Jersey DreamZ era.
I would envision myself in the penthouse apartment of The Modern. I envisioned that it'd be south facing so we'd see the entirety of Manhattan's skyline. I envisioned that our south facing wall would host a green wall of sorts. Like a wall with tons of plants and beautiful ferns, palm trees, all luxury plants this, luxury plants that, framing and complimenting the view of the city with greenery. And when I saw myself living there, I didn't see myself living there alone...
Looking back, I remember there were some really rough days. The rough days were always the long ones. These were the types of days where I’d wake up at 5am to do an 8hr shift at Starbucks, followed by a commute into the city to do 2.5 hours of weight workouts and swim practice. Some days I'd finish with a private swim lesson, and after teaching I’d be shattered. Absolutely exhausted. Dozing in and out of sleep on both the subway train and bus ride home.
When I’d be on the bus heading towards Fort Lee, eyes tired, I’d stare at The Modern Tower. Then I’d close my eyes and imagine myself being in the penthouse of The Modern Tower. I wanted that south facing apartment. I wanted that green wall. I visualized myself living there, brewing a cup of coffee and getting ready for the day.
Then the bus would stop at the G.W.B. in Fort Lee and I’d always wish my body could somehow find a way to walk itself back home. Sometimes I'd get picked up at the bus stop and that was really nice. He'd roll in like a knight in shining Volvo and his handsome face always made me smile.
It was hard but hey, this was the path I chose. This is what I wanted to do. No point in complaining about it. I was building the life we wanted and it was going to take a lot of hard work to get there but I've never been afraid of hard work. Working hard is something I want associated with my name. I want that associated with me and my brand. I want kids to know that if I'm on the pool-deck coaching them, I'm working hard for them, and I can only hope in turn they feel inspired to work hard for me in return.
All of this hard work paid off. And now, I’m living in a high-rise apartment, overlooking The Modern Tower I used to stare at! The same tower I'd stare at catching my bus to do the groceries. The same tower I'd stare at catching my bus home after a 15hr long day of non-stop moving. The same tower I drew strength from to motivate myself to step my money game up. How oddly full circle is that? I'm truly blessed and highly favored but I earned it. My Aquarius North Node is full.
My Venus, the planet of love and devotion, is in Aquarius, which is conjunct with my North Node (also in Aquarius). This means doing what I love is only going to bring out the best in me. And the way in which I choose to show love is through service to others.
So I've made a career out of doing what I love and now I don't feel like I have to "work" a day in my life, and it just so happens that this is what's needed from me to have reached my nirvana according to my star chart. Leading a group doesn't come natural to an introvert like me, so it took a long time to get comfortable with the notion of steering the ship, but now that I've learned the skill, I do feel a deep sense of fulfillment in my life with what I currently do. That's what's really powerful about our North Node in our star charts, when we follow it, which is usually something outside of our comfort zone, this is where we'll find the most fulfillment in life.
Leading isn't something that comes natural to me but a skill I had to master in order to experience fulfillment in this life. I am a natural born leader and while it is uncomfortable, it is what I was brought here to do. Because my North Node is Aquarius, my South Node is going to be in direct opposition to the North Node. The South Node are all the skills from our previous life carried forward into this life.
Leo is in direct opposition to Aquarius in the star chart, so in my previous life I was some kind of entertainer or theatrical presence in this world. Leo is the sign of pride and performance. Leo as an astrological sign is also tied to aristocracy and the upper-echelon. If Aquarius is all about leading the masses, the people, and the underclass, Leo in direct opposition to this is all about exclusively, the elite of a select few, and the upper-class. Leo, the lion, is all about pride, honor, regality, and above all: putting on a show!
So my basic skill set from my former life (south node) is rooted in theater and performance. And the skill set I need to master in order to reach fulfillment in this life resides within the star sign of Aquarius. Aquarius is an air sign that's all about leadership and social change. Most revolutionists in history were Aquarius: Galileo the inventor of the telescope? Aquarius. Rosa Parks the civil rights activist? Aquarius. Abraham Lincoln, freer of slaves and writer of the Emancipation Declaration? Aquarius. Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb? Aquarius. All leaders. All innovators, revolutionizing their respective fields.
I don't know if I'm ever going to be that revolutionary in this life, lol. I do know that mastering the art of leadership is going to feed my soul so I'm heading in that direction. Learning and mastering leadership is really uncomfortable for me but in order to grow in this life, I really feel we need to be pushed outside of our comfort zone. When I'm leading and navigating a group, no matter how uncomfortable the experience might feel in the moment, I feel incredibly fulfilled once it's all over.
ANYWAY, all this to say, never underestimate the power of visualization. I dreamed of being in a high-rise and while it isn't south facing and I don't have a green wall yet, I'm well on my way. When you're in a tough spot, and you're thinking of giving up, think about that one thing you're wanting and visualize yourself getting that one thing it is that you want. It's the law of attraction but beyond that it's a quick way of motivating yourself to stay on track to achieve whatever it is your north node is telling you to do.