Too Much Cortisol is Bad For You And This Is How You Fix It

Continuing the theme of Saturn’s return from yesterday’s blog post, I’m sitting here wondering what lessons I’ve learned within the past 30 years of life.

I think for me, my Saturn return was definitely health related. Obtaining self-discipline when it comes to food has always been difficult for me, but I know I'm finally there. Because I had a high metabolism for so long, I got away with eating whatever I wanted. It wasn't until I lost my health and found it again that I really learned to appreciate my body.

Without going into too much detail, everything that has gone wrong with my body can definitely be traced back to a Candida Albicans overgrowth. I've never been diagnosed with a candida overgrowth officially, but I suspected this was what was going on and the only way to fix it naturally was to completely change my lifestyle and attitude to food.

I used to eat for flavor and taste and now I eat for sustenance and bodily healing. Everything that I put into my body, from the soups I stew, to the salads I whip together, right down to the water I drink, and the nutritional supplements I choose to weaponize, all of it is carefully curated to ensure that I get the most brain function and energy out of my body everyday.

I know it's obsessive but every single chemical going into my body is measured and dosed carefully, and all of it serves a purpose in healing my gut. Even my pre-workout supplement is literally 2 chemical compounds: glutamine and l-arginine, which are 2 amino acids that encourage encourage muscle growth while simultaneously healing the gut. I haven't taken creatine in years! It hurts my stomach. But I may choose to try cycling on and off again and see if it has an effect on my training.

In order to have had an athletic career as long as I have, I’ve needed to look after my body. This extends beyond just nutrition and balancing vitamins and minerals. Rest and recuperation is essential. I always make sure I get enough sleep so that my adrenals aren’t fatigued.

Adrenal fatigue happens when the body produces too much of the stress hormone, cortisol. Cortisol pushes our body into its "fight or flight" mode under stress. When we overproduce this cortisol in our bodies, it wreaks havoc on our chemical balances and throws off all our hormones.

This isn’t some wish-washy silliness either, it has been studied extensively in medical journals.

If the mind is in a constant state of fight or flight, the body sends signals to the brain to protect the vital organs. Where do all our vital organs live? Around our stomach of course. It is believed that enlarged bellies and big stomachs are a symptom of high-cortisol levels because the body is defending itself from stress by protecting our vital organs.

High-cortisol levels is also related enlarged breast tissue, which gives men the unfortunate and dreaded man boobs. This is once again because the body is under stress and trying to protect the heart by layering it with extra tissue. High levels of cortisol are also linked to elevated levels of cancer in women.

So what does that cortisol release feel like? Well, it's sort of like when you have too much coffee in the morning and you get the jitters. There's a feeling of dread and anxiety that underlines everything. Everything feels a little off-kilter. You can't concentrate and you're feeling a little bit nervous and on edge. And it can be triggered by literally anything upsetting that you've seen.

It could be something you read or seen on the news. It could be something you saw on social media. Have you ever seen something on social media that's upset you? Like, maybe your crush is out on a date with somebody else and you're seeing it on social for the first time. Your palms start to sweat, your heart begins to race, and your stomach tightens. Am I the only one that experiences this feeling? Lol. When my cortisol fires suddenly, to the point of Adrenalin release, I can feel the front of my head, home of the adrenals, starts to ache.. It's almost like my forehead is burning like Harry Potter. Those are all feelings associated with cortisol release.

What keeps cortisol at bay?

Whenever I start to feel cortisol releasing I immediately practice patience, mindfulness, and try to breathe my way through the hormonal release. Because blood is rushing to the front part of my brain, to my adrenals to produce cortisol, it doesn’t leave enough blood flow to other parts of the brain that allow me to practice critical thinking. I breathe deeply and calmly and try my best to use vinyasa breath control (thanks yoga) to push the blood to other parts of my brain that can allow me to think rationally, with clarity, and without panic. Giving the brain enough time to breathe works wonders, the problem gets fixed quicker because we are not in a state of panic. This isn't a skill that came natural to me, this is something I had to learn to do after being in many stressful situations that required a world of calmness to get through.

Prioritizing the art of balancing your hormones effectively is also super helpful to keep stress at bay. What I mean by this is that minimizing the stimulation of your central nervous system. When you drink alcohol, it stimulates your central nervous system and you create more dopamine, but then when you stop drinking the dopamine also stops and the body begins to detox. This process of detox, whether from alcohol, drugs, or whatever, throws off our endocrine system. As a consequence of a hampered endocrine system, our hormones are out of balance. So the easiest way to have balanced hormones is by not messing with those fickle hormones in the first place!

Some of the most successful and effective people in this world have done away with alcohol altogether and this is no coincidence. Abstinence from nicotine is crucial also, as that is the worst offender when it comes to cortisol production. Any smoker that is experiencing the symptoms of nicotine detox will know firsthand what cortisol release feels like because this is what they feel every time their body starts craving a cigarette when they choose to quit.

Dopamine and serotonin are two neurotransmitters that are best kept balanced! If you're going to produce those chemicals, make sure they're produced naturally within your body the old fashioned way. Exercise everyday and find ways to sweat for at least 30 minutes, minimum. The hardest part of working out is showing up, so if you can make a habit out of exercising everday, you're golden.

Working out is supposed to be fun so if lifting weights at the gym or doing cardio on a machine doesn't work for you, find something that does! It can be a dance class, a bike ride, a walk through Central Park, a yoga class, etc. Movement is movement no matter what and it's good for humans to develop a healthy relationship with exercise. Whatever it is you choose to do, make sure you're doing it long enough to feel blood flow to the brain and make sure you sweat. Sweat and salt is life and don't you ever forget it! My sinuses always clear up when I workout effectively and I find myself sleeping so well at night. Setting a solid and uninterrupted circadian rhythm is also important for keeping cortisol at bay.

I can safely say that the times when I've made poor decisions in life have usually been due to a poor night's sleep. When I have 2 nights of bad sleep in a row, I get really cranky and my body begins to release cortisol, which then in turn plagues my ability to discern and think clearly. I can function on at least 6 hours, but I know that I feel my best when I get close to 7. I feel like a brand new person when I get 8 hours of sleep.

How do you get a good night’s sleep? Set yourself a routine that you look forward to doing every night so you wire your brain to enjoy the process of getting ready for bed. It’s also wise to stop/minimize all stimulation before bed. Turn the lights down low as you get closer to sun down. Make sure you read a book before you go to bed so your eyes get programmed to the real world and not a screen before they close for 6 hours.

If you are a smoker, quit. But also, make sure you aren't smoking right before you go to bed because stimulation of your central nervous system with nicotine isn't going to be conducive of a restful night’s sleep.

Use your brain the next time you're groggy and tired and exercise some Saturn returning discipline. Forgoing momentary pleasure for lifelong fulfillment is always going to be worth it in the long run. Have you ever thought about committing to something and following through with it? And when things go wrong, rather than giving up so easily, how about finding ways to rise to the occasion, challenge yourself, and exercise some serious Capricorn self-discipline.

People become champions because they’re winners, and winners find a way; losers because always make excuses. Have you ever noticed that? Heroes really own their victories while losers hold nothing but excuses. I know which one I’d rather be. In fact, I already know which one I already am haha. Excuses keep losers trapped in a perpetual cycle of self-victimhood and they’ll never, ever win.

Sometimes it's easier to focus on all the things you're going to be blessed with once you find the strength to make sacrifices. Instead of thinking about the drink or the smoke, think about the good night's rest you're going to have that night, or the elevated energy levels and brain power you'll possess the next day. Temporary sacrifices are easy to make when you remind yourself of the wider picture. It takes courage to hold yourself accountable to a goal you’re trying to achieve, are you brave enough to do it? And if you mess up and make a mistake that's fine! 90% right and 10% wrong is still passing with an A. Just remember that it’s the recovery, this is what's important.

These were lessons I learned from my Saturn returning. I had to be super disciplined and tough on myself, but I learned to like that. I enjoyed the process of testing my own personal limits and pushing myself. I'm not 100% successful all the time but what's essential is the effort. I'm not a total teetotaler, I do drink on occasion, but it's closer to a quarterly affair than it is monthly, weekly, or nightly. I prefer to sleep well at night, keep the cortisol at bay, and have my head on right for building my Swim Academy business this upcoming fall.

After a little break, we're looking forward to continuing the hard work we did this past summer. Fall 2021 is all about self-discipline, flexing our ability to self-control, and maintaining balanced hormones baby, get into it!

Music Monday: Same Ol' Mistakes By Rihanna

Welcome to our first weekly "Music Monday" post where I talk about a song I'm listening to.

In anticipation of the Full Moon in Pisces tonight, we'll start with a piece from one of our favorite Pisces Fishes of all times: Rihanna.

When me and my roommate moved into our new high-rise apartment in Hell’s Kitchen we played “Same Ol’ Mistakes” by Rihanna incessantly, obsessively, over and over again. The song is a cover, not an original, and while beautiful and ominous, the song is about Saturn returning.

Astronomically speaking Saturn takes 29.5 years to complete a full orbit around the Sun. In Astrology, Saturn is the planet representing responsibility, hard work, and determination, all traits associated with Capricorn. This particular part of the zodiac is affiliated with competence, knowledge, and power.

Saturn as a planet in Astrology has a lot to do with learning lessons about life. Many believe that Saturn's return is connected to our past life. It is said that one must overcome and learn some big lesson, usually through the accumulation of long hard work, determination, and discipline, in order to ascend into the higher levels of consciousness. There’s a debt that’s owed somewhere cosmically speaking. Can you recognize what it is? Do you know what to do and how to pay it? Are you strong enough to pay it?

This hefty lesson will continue to repeat itself throughout your life until you learn the lesson you're supposed to. Once you pay your karmic debt, change your ways moving forward, your soul is settled and can finally rest in peace. If I'm totally honest, most people never overcome their Saturn return. Why? Because it is just too darn difficult and they usually lack discipline.

The first verse of this masterpiece is about being faced with a conflict where you know what the right choice is, but you just can’t help but consistently make the wrong decision: “I can just hear them now, ‘how could they let us down?’”

This could be for a myriad or reasons with a long list of excuses. This is where we all need to exercise a little more Cap/Sat (Capricorn/Saturn) energy and get a little more self-control.

Saturn's return happens when you realize that you find yourself in the situation that keeps repeating itself over and over again. And it keeps repeating itself because you’re too lazy to exercise discipline.

For instance: a person complains that they can't lose weight but can't find the willpower to make healthier lifestyle choices. They might be overwhelmed from life and this is their coping strategy. The problem escalates to become a health problem.

Deep down this person knows what the solution is (diet and exercise) but the immature and undeveloped part of them just wants to eat pizza and watch TV. The person doesn't want to go to the gym or make healthier nutritional decisions because it requires too much responsibility, hard work, and determination (Cap/Sat traits).

It's way easier to just be lazy and eat pizza, so what do you think they're going to do? We already know what they're going to do. They already know what they're going to do. Shiiiiiiiiit, Rihanna already knows what's going to happen bc the final lyric of the first verse is sung with a resigned sigh: "going with what I always longed for."

Then the chorus presents itself with 2 conflicting voices battling for dominance. The immature child has the lead vocals, starting off with a jovial burst, probably from the short-lived thrill of eating another slice of pizza: "FEEL LIKE A BRAND NEW PERSON!" And the Cap/Sat energy is blended into the background, harmonizing with the lead, almost as an afterthought: "but you make the same mistakes," they sing all echo-y in the background.

Immature brat hears this and responds with: "WELL I DON'T CARE I'M IN LOVE!" Meanwhile, the background vocals become a whisper, constantly repeating and reminding the protagonist that they make the same mistakes, that they need to stop before it’s too late, and that they don’t have what it takes.

The first post-chorus is gorgeous when Rihanna sings: "AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING! I STILL DON'T KNOW!" - because that's what most people are like with their Saturn Return: they’re ignorant of their own poor decision making.

They find themselves overweight and depressed after pizza because they’re still chasing the thrill of a short-lived high. The second verse is more or less the same as the first. The songwriter is being told several different things from those around them and they’re still finding ways to justify the wrong decision. This verse is a little more confrontational and argumentative. The final couplet finishes with Rihanna already knowing that she’s going to make the wrong choice, again.

The bridge is my favorite part. The bridge is hypnotic and puts me into a dream-like state where time feels it has slowed. And you can't just skip to the bridge either. You have to go on the journey and build your way there. They don’t call it a bridge for nothing, kiddo!

You could fast-forward to it, but it’s just not the same without the lead-in verses. Think about that: the journey of the song makes any bridge in a song more fulfilling, which in and of itself is a poetic play on instant vs. delayed gratification that the song centers around thematically. Once the bridge is over, it slingshots us straight back into the song with the final chorus.

And what a beautiful final round of choruses where the childish voice gets louder while the background vocals are virtually an aural after-thought. Rih obtains a sense of finality in the closing lyrics: “STOP THINKING YOU'RE THE ONLY OPTION!”

And so we listen to this masterpiece. Over and over again. While looking out our windows at the Manhattan View. Contemplating all the hard work, determination, and discipline it took to get here. Feeling blessed and highly favored. I ache to share it with you as I patiently await Saturn’s return..

This song is neither happy nor sad, the song simply just is:

Spiritual Sunday: Reddit Edition

I saw this picture on Reddit and it made me think about life as a gay man. Check it out:

Screenshot 2021-09-11 8.01.58 PM.png

As a reformed Instathot, I’m trying to do better…

But seriously, this exact sentiment times one million. I’ve definitely been a contributor to this problem. I’m not great at social media, and what I mean by that is that I just lost a thousand followers (20.3K to 20.2K) on Instagram alone the past month. My last 2 photos got barely 100 likes, but then my photo of mee in a Speedo get close to 1,000 and it just makes me feel like… Sad! IDK.

This project is me trying to pivot and create a new lane for myself, one less Instathotty and rooted in substance. I’d like to be remembered for being innovative and interesting than be just an Instathot. Please, for the love of God, save me from this weird place and space where I feel I need to take my clothes off to be deemed worthy of license to a voice.

I juuuuuuuuust made the cut-off for today's post by a literally minute.

But I'm very okay with losing all my followers if it means I'm creating something different and unique. I'm leaning into using my brain and my intelligence to try and get people to think about what they're doing and why they're doing it.

I want to encourage people to look after themselves. The whole gay experience is so heavy on the party party party, and there has to be space for those of us who simply aren't interested in living this way. There has to be credence given to different experiences.

So this blog is for all the homebodies. All the ones of us who aren't rioting and raging on the dancefloor, but getting excited over trying a new recipe to cook for friends coming over and growing plants.

I feel the change coming. I feel the metamorphosis. I'm switching up values. It's all a process.

Food Friday: An Introductory Recipe

I’m making a blog post every Friday about food. This is because I love food. I also love to cook food! So I wanted to share with everybody some of my favorite recipes.

I wasn’t always fond of cooking. Funnily enough, it wasn’t until I started dating an Italian that I started taking the culinary craft seriously. My ex’s father was a chef, so food was incredibly important to their family growing up, as with most traditional Italian families. There was a funny conversation we had that led me to decide that I wanted to sharpen my cooking skills.

We got into some type of kerfuffle about dinner one night. I think he wanted to cook and I felt lazy and wanted to dine in. I'll never forget what he said to me: "Have you ever thought of cooking a meal as a sign love?"

Lol. Huh?

"Have you ever thought of cooking a meal for someone as a sign of showing them love?" He repeated the question but changed the phrasing because he could see that I was shooketh. My neurons were now making connections that they had not made before. I immediately thought of one of our first dates where he cooked boeuf bourguignon and we sipped Veuve Rose champagne. Did I even thank him for cooking that meal? I don’t know if I even acknowledged how special that was. My face turned pink with embarrassment.

Then, it got worse! I thought about my Mother. And how great her cooking is. And all the meals she made for us growing up! And how every birthday she tried to cook our favorite meal for our special day. I think I actually teared up when I thought about Mum roasting lamb every December to celebrate my birthday growing up. Roast lamb was my favorite. An added bonus was making roast lamb sandwiches with mustard the next day!

This was when I made the decision to become better at cooking! I view everything in life as a skill and as an opportunity to learn and grow. When I'm coaching youngsters and giving them drills, I always say to them: "Don't worry if you can't execute it perfectly the first time, everything takes practice."

Some people won't even try new things for fear that they'll be bad at them. The only thing sadder than doing something poorly the first time is not even trying. Why is this sad to me? Because it shows one is more concerned with how they look than with what they're learn. Who cares what you look like??? The human experience is rooted in ignorance and foolishness, just give it a go already! YEESH.

And give it a go I did. I jumped into the deep end and cooked boeuf bourguignon for my ex one random Friday night and I did a pretty good job. Boeuf bourguignon is an extremely advanced recipe so I wouldn’t recommend anybody start with that. However, the fact that I nailed it on my first go showed that I was certainly capable. So when I went home to NZ in 2015 to renew my visa, I told Mum to teach me everything she knew about cooking. And that she did:

The most important thing my Mum taught me was how to create flavor at the beginning of the meal. Glazing onions is an art. Adding ginger next to the hot oil and onions is something I do typically with Asian-infused cuisine, otherwise you can skip the ginger step and go straight to adding garlic for 1 minute. Garlic cooks fast, so to retain the flavor it becomes a skill as to when to add the garlic, and how long to cook garlic for. I try to time it for when the onions are 98.7% glazed, and I’ll add the garlic. The less time you cook the garlic for, the more pronounced the flavor.

Learning what onions to use for which recipes was also fun. Red onions are easier for our bodies to digest but they add a sweet component to the recipe. Yellow onions are the most flavorful and used in almost all Italian recipes. White onions are great for French recipes, IDK why but they just are.

Learning about how fresh spices are always going to be more potent than the dried kind. Learning how different oils burn at different temperatures, and how certain ingredients work better with certain oils than others. Did you know olive oil burns at a much lower temperature than, say, coconut oil? Cutting vegetables and marinating meat was also an important skill I learned.

I learned you want to hear the pan sizzle when you first cook a steak. Well cooked meat is all about sealing it on the outside to create that browning exterior, and then baking it in the oven to make sure the center is brought to temperature and cooked properly.

My Mum learned how to make curries from her Indian next door neighbor in England. So she taught me how to make a curry the way her Indian next door neighbor would growing up. Gotta love multi-culturalism! I also love curry so much, I cooked it for my 30th Birthday. I know! What a nerd. But it was a cold wintry night and I think it was a hit! I got compliments from an Iranian friend.

Cooking adds a whole new dimension to travel too. When traveling the world, pay attention to food! As you experience different cultures, ask questions about their meals. I love asking questions to my waiters and waitresses at restaurants, trying to get the inside scoop on what makes their food so yummy: “Is this soup made with bone broth or stock?” Or “What spices are used in this dish?” There is almost always something new to learn at every dining experience.

SO ANYWAY! The very first "Food Friday" post is going to be about a very nutritious and easy Chinese soup called “Red Bean Barley Soup.”

This soup is incredibly nutritious and perfect for the fall/winter. It is designed to remove "damp heat" from the body. People who understand Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) know what I'm talking about. This recipe calls for a very specific kind of red bean called "vigna umbellata," which holds a lot of medicinal properties. You can find these beans at any Asian foods store or order them on Amazon for safe measure. I've linked it below.

The recipe is easy but time-consuming however the health benefits totally make it worth the time.

Equipment

  • rice cooker or crockpot

Ingredients

  • 1/2 Cup of vigna umbellata (red beans in traditional Chinese medicine)

  • 2/3 Cup of barley (also called semen coicis)

Red Bean Barley Soup

Red Bean Barley Soup

Instructions

  • Wash red beans and then immerse in distilled water at least 5 hours or overnight.

  • Wash barley and then immerse in distilled water for at least 5 hours or overnight.

  • If we want to clear the “cold thing” from the barley, we should fry barley WITHOUT oil.

  • Pour the soaked red beans and barley into the rice cooker, then add 2000 ml water into the cooker. Cooking for at least 2 hours.

This soup is rich in fiber, vitamin E, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, zinc, selenium and other active ingredients that can help clear heat and detox from our body! It is also said to be great for skin. The soup is also said to promote intestinal peristalsis, which is a fancy word for the series of wave-like muscle contractions that move food through the digestive tract. I definitely feel my stomach loving this soup and I hope you do too!

This soup is great to have as a snack on its own or sometimes I’ll whip up a quick salad and make it a meal. Great as an appetizer before your main meal also.

If you have any leftovers, it’s super easy to store in a Tupperware container to freeze. Then you just thaw and bring to heat on a stove top whenever you feel like it!

The website I got this recipe from is here.

How To Avoid Post-Olympic Depression

It was great seeing so many prolific athletes using their platform to raise awareness surrounding mental health at the Olympics this year. From Simone Biles to Michael Phelps, the topic was front and center. Destigmatizing mental health struggles is long overdue in sports, and I'm glad we're finally having this conversation. Raising awareness is great but I also think that practical solutions are also important.

Life after the Olympics - especially your first - can be quite tough. The 2 best pieces of advice I can give to anyone going through this is:

1) Set brand new goals and anticipate ways to stay busy and engaged after the Olympics is over.

2) Try and do all the things you couldn't do while making sacrifices for your sport.

I worked insanely hard to get to London 2012 and once it was done, I didn’t have any new goals to move onto after the Olympics were over. I really think this hurt me. My first games coincided with finishing out my NCAA eligibility, so I wasn’t a part of the college swim team anymore. Because I derived such a big a part of my identity from my sport, without it I suffered a big identity crisis.

This is not new for most athletes and is incredibly common. Not knowing who you are when only one part of your life is missing isn’t normal, and it taught me how important the act of diversifying your identity really is.

Because I had another year of college before graduating, it didn't help that the environment I was in was also heavily tied to my swimming career. The whole reason why I was there in College Station Texas in the first place was for swimming! I struggled to find a sense of belonging and purpose without my sport in my life.

In retrospect, perhaps if I'd move straight after London to a brand new city and stayed busy, then maybe I wouldn't have slipped into such a difficult place. I learned my lesson because after my next 2 Olympics I changed my living environments quite drastically to allow myself to create a new routine. After Rio 2016, I moved to Tonga, which was a drastic change from where I'd been doing my training, which was in San Mateo, California. This time round after Tokyo 2020 (I finally know what to call it!) We moved apartments from Chelsea to Hell's Kitchen. This environmental shift also made the transition to normalcy much easier.

Then came what I call: “The Floating Years” (2012 - 2015) those were really hard. This is the part of the story where I moved to NYC after college, determined to establish an identity away from being an athlete and a swimmer. I made a decision back then to use this time of my life as an opportunity to begin a self-investment project. I invested time in things I missed out on pursuing because I was training for the Olympics.

It was an incredibly difficult yet rewarding time of my life where I learned a lot about myself!

I did it all baby. I wasn't too concerned with NYC partying and nightlife, I just wanted to explore being a weird art kid while trying to find myself for a bit. I took acting classes for fun at Upright Citizens Brigade and tried my hand at Improv Theater. I was told I was good but I didn't think I was very good lol.

My biggest regret and remorse from my childhood is not having enough time to do both sports and art at the same time. I took drama all 5 years of High School (in NZ, H.S. is 5 years) and I could never do the school plays because the rehearsal times always clashed with practice. I'd audition for fun, get the part I wanted, and then have to turn it down because it didn't fit in with my practice schedule.

The plays at my High School were competitive. Extremely so for the girls at least. I remember our drama class having 5 girls all with their sun in Aries, and boy did they create drama alright! Battling it out tooth and nail for the lead roles. Can you imagine?

I remember during my Junior year of High School I was a lead in the SmokeFree Stage Challenge Dance competition alongside my 2 besties Mihi and Tessa! It was a contemporary dance competition and I really loved the process of putting on a show together. We even made it to the finals!

It's a real shame that if you're an athlete in this world, you can't be taken seriously as an artist. I feel the two paths share a lot of parallels in their process alone. From staging and blocking, to rehearsing and perfecting, to technical rehearsals, costume and design, final dress rehearsals, matinee performances, and then finally: showtime baby! The process is very similar to that of putting together the perfect race they just slightly differ in terms of craftsmanship..

When I moved to NYC in 2013, I exposed myself to as much art as possible, in all shapes and forms. I went to comedy shows in the lower east side that my best friend Tommy and Gloria would host. I went to as many Broadway shows as I possibly could. Exposing myself to this kind of art changed me. I still remember the numbness I felt on the train ride home after watching Zachary Quinto in "The Glass Menagerie." Tennesse Williams moved me to tears on the subway ride home. All from the grave no less! Impressive.

I remember the first art show I went to in Chelsea. My High School BFF Shanta took me to her friend Rohan's art show, amongst many other art shows over the years because she’s good like that. I didn't really understand the art. It always made me feel stupid. As if there was a certain level of intelligence necessary to be obtained before understanding what good art is. This was all until Shanta said: "there's not really anything to understand, it's just what you think is cool or not cool." Typical Taurus to the core: keep it simple. This has always stuck with me whenever I look at paintings, artwork, or sculptures. I find myself asking myself: "is this cool or not?"

So as I preoccupied myself with art and trying to develop a sense of identity away from the pool, I slowly began to feel like myself again. Engagement is what was missing from my life. What better way to engage thyself than to self-explore and self-discover? One should never feel ashamed nor bad for investing time into one’s own identity.

Long story long: the best way to avoid a post-Olympics slump and identity crisis is to have things to do to keep yourself busy once you're done with competing. It isn't wise to invest all of yourself into your sport alone, find ways to stay well-rounded.

Yes, it might seem that in order to be successful at your sport you must put in the time, but it is healthy and normal to view yourself as many more things other than just an athlete who does a sport. Doing so will pay off dividends to good mental health in the future.

If you find yourself busy and it still is tough to move on from the Olympics, try changing your environment. Rewire your brain. Stay busy. Write down new goals. Commit to something new, like maybe a 30 day writing challenge that will push you to become a better!

Take it day by day and if it doesn’t get any better, talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or paid professional, sometimes venting about what you’re going through helps. Maybe they’ll have helpful solutions, maybe they won’t. The point is: the year is 2021 and nobody should be struggling with mental health in silence anymore. We are all in positions to practice empathy and compassion everyday, why not use them to make the world a better place for us all?

In any endeavor, you get the idea. Invest in other skills and work on different parts of yourself that have been neglected because of your sport and you'll experience both fulfillment and engagement that will serve in your best interests long-term. Mental health is important so look after yourself out there kittens.

30 Days of Writing Challenge

I’m going to try and write something everyday for the next 30 days. It could be something big, it could be something small. It could be insightful, incredible, and contribute amazing things to this world! Or, it could be word vomit. In any endeavor, after the Olympics I’ve decided to find new ways to challenge myself with staying busy in New York City.

I’ve always felt creative. Because I’m an Olympian and sporty, people think you can’t be both athletic and creative but I beg to differ. I hope that the creativity surrounding this project can maybe change some minds surrounding that. At the very least, you’ll learn a little Tongan magic from a big booty Tongan magician.

It is a week after Labor Day, which is the weekend that typically marks the end of summer in America. Technically the fall equinox is closer to September 20, but we can already start to feel the beginnings of a chill here in the city.

Anyway, what a summer we’ve all had! I wish I could say it was relaxing. I suppose there were some relaxing moments, I guess? But for the most part it was a summer of self-discipline and determination. I went for, and achieved, swimming at my 3rd Olympics.

How’d it go? Well, not quite according to plan lmao. I got disqualified! However, I also made history in the process: Tokyo 2020 was the first swimming competition FINA introduced video refereeing and I was the first swimmer to experience the new protest procedure with video refereeing. What an honor. More on that later.

If anybody wants to read my statement to the press about my disqualification, you can do so here. You’ll need to pay a Tongan newspaper’s subscription fee to take down the paywall, but your curiosity will be quenched. If there’s a way I can convert your inquisitive nosiness about my life into support towards a local Tongan business, I’ll surely find a way to do it! #GirlBoss

We all know how much I love to plug a local Tongan business.

Apologies to all the publications that reached out for a media interviews that I didn’t respond to. If it was interpreted as being rude, I’m sorry, I just really wanted to stay true to the commitment I had of not causing any scenes at these Olympics. I think it’s dope to do media when you have projects and interesting things to talk about.

I’ve done a lot of interesting things since Rio. Yes, being Gay at the Olympics is newsworthy, but if there’s anything Madonna has taught me it’s that one must always reinvent themselves in order to stay relevant. They don’t call M the Mother of Reinvention for nothing, kittens!

Reinventing myself as an entrepreneur proved too difficult for certain media to wrap their head’s around. Or perhaps they didn’t find that angle very interesting. Capitalism is so gauche these days. Regardless, when they pushed back and told me they specifically wanted to discuss being a gay athlete from Tonga, without any mention of what I’d been up to subsequently since Rio, I declined the media interview.

I only want to work with people who respect my process as a human being to evolve. I’m many other things outside of being a gay swimmer and I hope to show the world this through 30 days of writing!

Full disclosure: I talk a lot about my body, nutrition, and working out. Unlike most people, I love my body, and I have a good relationship with it. I think it’s important that we all find ways to develop a good relationship between our mind and body. Perhaps once we start learning to love our body for what it is, instead of loathing it for what it is not, then maybe the idea of bodily maintenance doesn’t become such a difficult task.

I derive great joy from bodily maintenance. I enjoy the process of looking after my body. I’ve taught myself to eat food for sustenance and brain power. Throughout the process of eating healthier, I’ve developed a palette for nutritious meals. I can taste when something is going to do well by me. I have green juice everyday with a tablespoon of spirulina. I love exercising. I love movement. I love a weight room and gym. It wasn’t always this way though.

I didn’t always have it easy. It took me a full year of lifting weights to finally feel comfortable in a gym and weight room. Those environments can be quite intimidating and I was intimidated for a long time before I finally learned to let go. The gym is a judgmental zone and when you don’t know what you’re doing or feeling uncomfortable, it shows and people notice. That was me for a full year before I finally decided to stop giving a damn of what anybody else thought of me, and this commitment to fitness is a contract between myself and the exercise machine I’m using, that’s it. All other opinions are irrelevant and I’ve learned to zone out of all that territorial machismo bullshit that comes with the gym. It’s just me and the squat rack. Or bench press. Or whatever. Anyway, maybe that’s an interesting blog subject to explore: how to get comfortable at the gym!!??

I’ll always round out my blog with a song alongside my favorite lyrics. Today I was lazy and didn’t give it too much thought. I just hit shuffle on Spotify and decided to go with whatever came up. So here it is. My fav part are the lyrics of the final 2 quatrains of the second verse:

“Don't even think about what's right or wrong, or wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me
And no one else is going to be around
To answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be
So even if the world falls down today
You've still got me to hold you up, up
And I will never let you down, down”

I’ll try to not let you down…

Tokyo Olympics: Why I'm Doing It Different This Time

Is it the Tokyo 2020 Olympics? Or is it Tokyo 2021? I’ve seen the Olympic social media handles write “Tokyo 2020+1,” which looks confusing. It’s as if they already produced a ton of merchandise with “Tokyo 2020” on it, and just want to write a “+1” on the end so they don’t have to remake it all over again…

This is the unintentional theme of the current XXXII Olympiad: confusion. Apparently, 80% of the Japanese population want to cancel the Olympics, which makes canceling the Olympics a very relevant topic of conversation for Japanese politicians looking to gain a few extra brownie points for their respective political parties. Meanwhile, the International Olympic Committee has distribution contracts signed with media conglomerates around the world for broadcasting rights, which is by far the biggest money-making part of the Olympic Games.

Comcast, whom owns NBCUniversal, the media company responsible for distributing the Olympics inside the US, is going to push for the Games to continue. Why? Because the advertising dollars from huge corporations weren’t collected last year, and they must crucially be recouped this year in order to keep business profitable. This is why Comcast, and all their media subsidiaries, which include more than just their television networks, will be firing all cylinders to ensure that these Olympics happen.

Who wants the Olympics canceled? Well, all of Comcast’s telecommunication rivals of course. Disney, whom owns ABC, will do their best to thwart these Olympics in the hopes that it’ll dilute Comcast’s ever-growing influence in the global media space. This isn’t limited to Disney’s ownership of television stations either, it extends out to newspapers their companies are affiliated with. For example: Disney purchased Fox from Newscorp in 2019. This means that Disney is now indirectly affiliated with Newscorp.

Have you noticed that Newscrop’s newspaper, The WSJ, is publishing media stories heavily skewed to have the Olympics canceled? This is because a canceled Games helps Disney/ABC/Fox to maintain their number one position as the biggest media conglomerate. All these media companies directly and indirectly influence one another, and how they choose to report news affects their place of standing in the media marketplace.

The same thing is happening with Viacom, who owns CBS, whom was the last company to own the distribution rights to the Olympics before Comcast/NBC won the rights in 1992. Viacom, and all her media subsidiaries, will do everything possible to can the Olympics so they can leap-frog over Comcast and claim their spot as the 2nd biggest media conglomerate in the US.

The general theme of the Olympics in the current age is all about money, bottom-line profits, money, advertising dollars, distribution rights, more money, and the newest shadow Olympic event that has emerged in the past 30 years: sparring between media conglomerates, all with the intention of trying to gain a leg-up on their rivals and steal away advertising dollars.

So, there’s plenty of incentive for at least 2 media conglomerates and their affiliates to cancel the Olympics. It highlights the shift from the Olympics being an event that draws the world together once every quadrennial, to a big fat money-making machine benefiting only those few involved. This is being highlighted against the backdrop of a global pandemic, which is a public relations nightmare.

The Olympics are supposed to be about finding more common ground among the human race in a time where countries are deeply divided, now more than ever. The Olympiads of yesteryear centered around athletes, fierce competition, good sportsmanship, interesting stories, triumphs of the human spirit, and bringing the world together through the mechanism of sport. Nowadays there is a strong driving economic incentive from Comcast’s rivals to keep people divided over the event. As an athlete who has been to 2 Olympics in my career, I couldn’t help but wonder: with so much profit to be gained from dividing the entire world and keeping people at odds with one another, is there any financial value in bringing the world together?

In Rio 2016, I found myself in headlines with a lot of attention and causing all kinds of a ruckus on social media. While it was necessary for me to speak my mind at one finite moment in time, I over-stepped boundaries and started calling out countries that I thought were acting horribly inside the Olympic Village. While the former was necessary, the latter wasn’t. It is simply unnecessary for me to take it upon myself to call out privilege, and call out all the inequalities one experiences at the Olympics representing a smaller nation. These were the very early days of “call-out culture” and performative activism. Now let’s get one thing clear: I am an activist, albeit, the silent kind, that does more with actions than I do words on the internet. Its less ugly this way.

If I do attend my 3rd Olympics, which is highly likely, I want people to see that I can be quiet and that I can play along with the shenanigans. I’ll stay silent, fade into the background, and I won’t make a sound. I don’t need, desire, nor want, any kind of attention at all. For me personally, I see what’s going on with the wider picture of this whole thing and I’m keeping a low-profile.

The Tokyo Olympics will be special because I get to share these moments with my mother, who has been there every step of the way during the entirety of my swimming career. From waking up at 5 AM to take me to swim practice, to officiating at national swim meets, Mum has been there for it all. I want to go to Tokyo and really be present with her. That’s all I ask. That’s all I want. No drama, no calling out, no social media attention seeking bullshit, just special moments with my Mum.

After not seeing my family for over 2 years due to the global pandemic, I’m deserving of a little nurturing. I deserve my mother’s hug, and I just want to feel like everything is going to be alright. I can’t wait to sit back and enjoy meals together, sharing cups of tea with mum. I can say with full certainty that this will be the highlight of my trip.

The new moon eclipse in Gemini is good for releasing old things. Part of what I’m releasing is my swimming career, which no longer serves its relevance in my life anymore. I’m also releasing the old boy I used to be, and stepping into the new man I’ve become. I’ve decided that these Tokyo Olympics will be my swan song:

Venus Williams, Hairstyle Icon

I've been a fan of the Williams Sisters since I was 13. Their story is inspiring for many different reasons. From Compton to Wimbledon, these ladies have seen and done it all!

Something i’ve always, always loved are their colorful outfits and hairstyles on court. I like things that are a different, only when done tastefully without overstepping the mark.

For instance: the blue/green braids Venus has tied up in Princess Leia buns at the Miami Open is honestly so iconic, I can’t stop thinking about it.

Venus looks like a Pokémon Master that you have to beat on Nintendo to proceed to the next level and I, for one, am obsessed:

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The Still-Face Experiment

I watched a fascinating YouTube video a couple days ago that made me want to Tweet about how ready I am to be a father. It was about 1 year old babies and their ability to recognize several basic blocks of social interaction. It’s fascinating to see that every single social interaction we have from the moment we are born affects us for the rest of our lives.

Seeing babies and toddlers interact with humans, often speaks volumes about the households they’re growing up in. They have this saying in Hindu culture when I visited New Delhi in 2010: “children are a reflection of their parents.”

This video I’m about to share almost made me cry. I think back and am transported to being a 10 year old and remembering the day my little sister first smiled at us from the pushchair. We were jiggling the pram on Mission Bay beach and out came the most radiant and beaming smile, gums and all! Me and my older sister were booing and cooing at her, smiling, as if we were trying to coax the positive energy out of her. No teeth of course because she was only a few months old. Then out of her body came a noise that can only be described as a joyful scream. I remembered very specifically my older sister gasping: “Oh my God, she’s smiling! Look, Mum! She’s laughing too!” Our little baby Hinemoa was mirroring all our facial expressions back to us.

I used to love sitting in the backseat of our retro 1997 Land Rover Discovery and make all kinds of funny faces at my baby sister. If there was anything I was going to teach her it was: how to be funny, make silly faces, and not to take life too seriously! I played the role of goofy older brother perfectly! Hinemoa would grab my face, almost trying to comprehend and understand if my face was real or not. She’d never seen anybody go cross-eyed before. Then after holding my funny face for 10 seconds, she’d touch my cheek and animatedly change and make a different funny face, usually with a honking nasal noise to match, often to her squealing delight. And bip-boppity-boop, she’s been laughing at my jokes ever since!

It made me realize that although my Mum had to take care of two little rascals running around at 18 months apart (me and my older sister), Mum always engaged with us babies from a very young age. This was her way of showing us that we were loved. Mum still does this with all my cousin’s babies by the way.

Every time a cousin of mine had a baby - and trust me, there are tons of babies in my extended family because I have 60+ first cousins alone - Mum would always talk to their children as if they were already able to communicate. Now I’m realizing after watching this video, the babies that mirrored back her smiles and her interactions were from families where the child was already being socially engaged. Others, and there were some, stared at her blankly, almost confused as to why this white lady was trying to talk to them! Perhaps it was just their personality, but after watching this video I’m realizing that maybe it’s not.

I suppose I’m getting emotional because I’m feeling extreme gratitude for the household I grew up in and for the Mum that I had. I called her just now to tell her that I love her. She was such a lovely mother. Even when we acted out, she never walked away and ignored us. Us 3 children were never withheld love, and you can see it in our sunny disposition to this very day: me and my sisters are abundant with our love and we never withdraw, we just love harder!

I get equally emotional and sad for babies that don’t get the same socialization from a young age. The ones that perhaps don’t get any attention unless it’s negative. According to Bridgett Miller (teacher, parenting consultant, and remedial therapist) there’s a lot going on emotionally for children who repeatedly act out to get a reaction from their parents:

“Any time a young child ups their performance and becomes louder, more dramatic, or repeatedly pushes the limits, they need more attention—not less. This may sound contrary to what you’ve been led to believe, but withholding attention from a child who is acting out to get it will never resolve what’s driving them to act out. When we ignore, shame, or punish a child who is “just looking for attention,” we might succeed in temporarily shutting down their acting out, but we miss out on giving them what they truly need from us: a deeper heartfelt connection.

For a young child who is desperate for a parent’s attention, even negative attention is better than not getting any attention at all. It’s a poor substitute for the warm connection they were trying to attract, but they’ll settle for what they can get. Parents need to know that the young child isn’t going to be the one to break the cycle of acting out in order to get attention, it has to be the parent. We have to be the ones who let go of trying to justify how much time and attention we’re already giving them, and thinking that it should be enough. Only the child knows how much is enough for them. If we’re seeing their behavior escalate, we have to approach their exasperating behavior as an immature plea for more connection, not less, because that’s what it is.

Whenever your child appears to be doing something for attention, it’s because attention is exactly what they need. When you push back or try and ignore their efforts to get your attention, you’re wasting an opportunity to give them the connection they are seeking. By giving them loving attention, you’re not giving in or letting them have their way—you’re conveying that you see them, you hear them, and they matter to you. This provides the necessary context to convey that no matter what their behavior, your connection to them remains strong. Tell yourself this parenting affirmation: “I choose to see my child’s attention-seeking behavior as a plea for more connection.” Use this takeaway to re-frame the way you’re interpreting their behavior.”

This, I’m assuming, and I’m no child psychologist, is the way antagonistic personalities are born with the thought process being: I’m going to get the attention I’m wanting and desiring, regardless of whether it is a positive or negative outcome, I will get the attention nonetheless. Repetition of this behavior with negative outcomes, as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramini Durvasula puts it, shapes a child’s psychological constitution.

I’m grateful to have grown up in a household with positive reinforcement and encouraging affirmation. There was no love placed on restricted access to any of us, the love was always abundant, even when we were acting out! Long story long: children need attention, affection, affirmation, warmth, and above all, abundant signs of engaging love. Withdrawing any of the qualities mentioned in the last sentence stunts emotional growth and only creates emotional complexities in their future.

I know the type of father I’m going to be to my babies. One that is full of attentive love and positive reinforcement, I’ll never be withholding love, ever. I’m going to talk to them babies as if they’re already understanding me because chances are, they already do! Watch the video and see for yourself:

Sleeping Well At Night

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There are 3 universal truths about this life: we are born alone, we die alone, and we sleep alone. Sure, there are some exceptions but for the most part this is all true.

Sleep is interesting to me because it functions as a sort of in-between state of death and birth. When we close our eyes and lay still, we descend into deep sleep, REM (rapid eye movement) cycles, and our bodies recover from whatever physical exertion and emotional grievances we’ve had that day.

Then just like that, we wake up and it feels like we are reborn into a new life with a new body and everything is revitalized. Nothing is more necessary to our bodies than a good night’s sleep. Waking up after a solid night of rest is totally rejuvenating.

Some people have difficulty falling asleep and it can be for a myriad of reasons. Sometimes it is stress related; worry will keep anybody up at night. Other times it is chemically related. It is a known fact that when people quit drinking they have intense sleep problems that can last for many, many months. This is because the latency period of the onset of sleep is much shorter after drinking alcohol; meaning, people who drink before bed fall asleep much faster; however, the body spends more time in deep sleep and this disrupts REM cycles.

REM cycles are important because they’re the moments in our sleep that help us dream. I was told by a doctor once that alcohol can disrupt not 1, but 2 REM cycles. This means that after a night of heavy drinking, it’ll take not 1, but 2 night’s sleep before you finally experience dreams again. Sleeping is one thing, but dreaming is quite another. Everything recovers during sleep, including our subconscious mind, all achieved through the art of dreaming. Dreams can reveal so much about all of our inherent wants, needs, desires, all of which are buried deep inside our subconscious mind.

Long story short, if you want to have stable sleep patterns, which will eventually lead to stable living patterns, you can read more about how to achieve that here.

Sleeping well at night, to me, is a spiritual thing. If I sleep well at night then I know that all is well in my world and that everything within my own spirit is settled. Every night I ask myself: am I contributing good things to this world? Should we continue down this current path, or steer myself in a different direction? These are imperative questions we should ask ourselves every night before bed.

I don’t shy away from this reflection because I know that deep down I am a good person, whom is only trying their best everyday to do right by others. I do my best to live and uplift people because that’s the type of person I am. Toxic positivity? Perhaps. But life is much easier to move through as an eternal optimist and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Happiness is contagious. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I do try my best to outwardly project goodness into this world.

I cherish the moment of laying in bed before drifting off to sleep, thinking and reflecting on the day I’ve had and all the things I’m blessed to have in my life. I think about all the things I’m grateful for. I think about my family and friends, and I ask the Universe to protect them. I express gratitude for the job I get to do that brings me so much joy, and about how it doesn’t even feel like a job when I’m doing it. And finally, I practice astral projection when thinking about all the things I’m hoping to achieve in this life: all my wants, desires, hopes and dreams.

This moment of introspection before bed ensures that I’m in a good place, and when I feel in a good place, I fall quickly off to sleep without problems.

To me, I think self-reflection before bed is difficult for some people. Sometimes sitting with one’s conscience is difficult, especially if you aren’t happy within your heart and your soul. This doesn’t mean that all people with sleep disturbances are bad people, but I do think there are layers of truth behind the loaded question: “Do you sleep well at night?” Meaning, do you feel good enough within yourself to sleep well at night?

To me personally, a good heart, well-nourished soul, and wholesome spirit will always sleep well at night. I think there is no better remedy for insomnia other than a good conscience.

Beyoncé sums it all up perfectly in the closing lyrics of her song “Pretty Hurts”:

When you're alone all by yourself,
When you're lying in your bed,
Reflection stares right into you,
Are you happy with yourself?

Stripped away the masquerade,
The illusion has been shed,
Are you happy with yourself?
Are you happy with yourself?

We are all birthed into this world alone, we all leave this physical plane alone, and we all sleep alone. So, the next time you’re having difficulty sleeping, think of me, B, and the esoteric question: are you happy with yourself?

I Really Like Russell Brand

Every year my Mum gets each one of her children a book for Christmas, and the last time I was home for she bought me Russell Brand’s book “Revolution.” It was actually a really good book. I highly recommend it.

I never thought much of him as a person until I saw him participating at the Occupy Wall Street protests in September 2011. I thought that was very brave of him. I kind of fell in love with him when he gave a fabulous speech at the 2013 GQ Awards, which they obviously tried to scrub from the internet, but thankfully this Norwegian YouTube channel has saved it for all our viewing pleasure here.

A lot of people say we look alike, which makes me laugh. A few people have also joked that he looked like the late Amy Winehouse, another artist whom I really admire. Do I look like Amy too? Gosh I hope so. Let me grab my eyeliner real quick and I’ll find out!

All jokes aside, what I really wish people would say about me is that I sound half as smart and eloquent as this very intelligent and engaging man. If you can get beyond the Jesus looking exterior, then what you’d see is that there’s a lot more beneath the surface.

You can see that this is a man who has lived through some things and come out the other end very enlightened. For a long time Russell Brand suffered through addiction, mental health struggles, and all sorts of self-destructive behavior. But he pulled through and now possess insight I find very admirable.

I think Mr. Brand has some really interesting things to say about the current state of the world. He sees all the moving parts. When he sees a lack of justice, he uses his platform to advocate change. I can only pray to have half as much impact one day.

This latest video he made about mental health during the pandemic is very good. We should all watch and think about it here:

Learning To Be Vulnerable

I’ve never found it particularly interesting to be vulnerable. Nor have I ever, not once in my life, striven to be relatable. It just isn’t something I find particularly interesting. I’m forever trying to come across as competent and in control. I’m unsure where this part of my personality comes from. Perhaps it is my Capricorn rising? Maybe there’s some childhood trauma I haven’t quite unpacked yet. It could also just be a defective part of my personality requiring work.

I’m learning that the biggest reason why I won’t allow myself to be vulnerable is that I’m probably way too paranoid. I don’t believe that people have inherently good intentions wanting to hear about my own personal struggles. People find ways to weaponize trauma. When I’ve opened up to people, about the difficult times I’ve endured in my life, it has often been used against me. These conversations are rarely had with good intent, rather, a mechanism to manipulate and maneuver at a later date. I just don’t want to give people ammunition.

As stated earlier, ruminating in trauma isn’t something I find interesting. I prefer to learn very quickly and move on, refusing to make the same mistakes twice. However, I’m learning that helping people deal with their struggles, because I’ve lived through some of the same struggles, is somewhat significant. I read on my cousin Loma’s Instagram page the following quote:

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So I sat there and thought about success. I’d say I’ve had a pretty successful decade in my 20’s in many different ways. One year removed from the decade I suppose I can critically analyze everything. Sure, I could have more money in my bank account, and of course I made many mistakes along the way, but I do also understand that success is a subjective term that we all interpret differently.

There are the basic societal markers of success: big house, big car, big family, big wallet, high paying job, etc. So if I were to use societal markers of success, I wouldn’t be very successful at all; however, we all possess the inherent ability to define success on our own terms.

Because we are entitled to our own interpretations of what “success” is, I knew that striving to obtain societal success wasn’t going to be the main goals of my 20’s. What I did do instead was work on myself very hard, introspectively, to do all the things that I knew would be imperative to setting myself up for lifelong fulfillment. In many ways I’m in a state of great privilege because I’ve always had the luxury of time to define success on my own terms.

Success to me in my 20’s were the following accomplishments:

  1. Graduating from a Tier I University and getting a robust education, debt-free.

  2. Using my tertiary education to build a hotel with my family so that my parents could live less stressful lives. Success was also helping my father phase out of his law career, so he can be around long enough to meet his grandchildren.

  3. Unpacking deep childhood trauma and dealing with some pretty ugly demons. Success of this was made through confronting my parents, my father in particular, on the difficult times I had growing up that made me feel invalidated. This was particularly difficult if you knew the Tongan cultural background we were raised where children are “seen but not heard.”

  4. Receiving a sincere apology from my parents, again, mostly my father, which in turn allowed me to heal effectively.

  5. Recognizing that I have internalized trauma that affects my subconscious on a deeper level and breaking out of this cycle of mistreatment. I hope this will give me a much higher chance of success in both my interpersonal and intimate loving relationships.

  6. Using my brain, skills, and lifelong passion for my sport to survive in New York City. I’ve never, not once, used my physical appearance or “charm” to make it by. Learning to stand on my own two feet without compromising any of my values is important to me. The result? A robust self-esteem and general sense of security that’s centered around knowing everything I’ve ever obtained has been through merit, and merit alone.

  7. Overcoming an unhealthy body image and bad attitude towards food. I’ve finally learned how to find balance and like what I see when I look in the mirror.

  8. Researching scholarly sources to learn about my own bodily health, and how it is intrinsically linked to my own personal mental health.

  9. Overcoming self-destructive thought patterns and behavioral habits that have kept me trapped in the lower-frequency. Success was being able to tap into my higher-level of consciousness through overcoming all the difficulties and struggles in my life.

  10. And finally, bringing my childhood coach to the Olympics and sharing that once-in-a-lifetime experience with her. That felt really good.

These are all my versions of success. Noticed how none of them are physical? Not one single thing you can touch! Except maybe the hotel we built as a family. Success to me is all about self-actualization, and taking the time to learn and grow from one’s mistakes.

I’ve had a ton of failure along the way, and of course my goal is to share this with you all in an attempt to make myself more vulnerable and relatable. It is an ongoing journey, learning to take down the veneer, but it is something I’m starting to feel safe doing strictly on my own terms. I’m not going to give out my difficulties and struggles to people haphazardly, I will be selective and deliberate, as any Capricorn rising creature would!

Everything in life is much easier when we approach the world with a “growth orientated” mindset; nobody knows everything and we shouldn’t feel embarrassed by saying the words: “I don’t know.”

My Dad told me growing up that the best Professor he ever met while studying Law at The University of London at Oxford, was a man who stood up in front of the class and said in his very first lecture that some of the smartest people in the world are the first to say “I don’t know.” Because eventually one day you will know, and this is how ignorance is not only fought, but won!

I’ve always chosen to keep the lessons of my past and not dwell on failure itself. I’ve also learned to embrace all my failures as though they’re stepping stones, kicking me toward something bigger and greater. I see myself as a big ol’ gay phoenix, constantly being reborn, rising out of the ashes, and into something stronger, more resilient, and hopefully soon to be of some significance.

I’ve done a lot of growth and now, in lieu of success, I hope to become more significant by adding value to other people’s lives, instead of just my own. At the end of the day, I’m just like Dolly, singing in the song below: “I’m just travellin’ travellin’ travellin’, I’m just travellin’ thru! Woooooooooo!”

And I hope y’all continue travellin’ with me on this road of self-discovery:

How To Be A Real Friend

My upcoming 31st birthday is making reflect on a lot of things in life. One of those things is friendship. After 3 solid decades on this planet, I think I know what it means to be a real friend. After careful deliberation, I’ve decided that these are the 3 rules I live by in order to be considered a real friend.

1) Don’t ‘Go To Bed’ With Your Friends

Personally I believe that in order for friendship to really flourish, the element of sex has to be removed. This makes life much simpler, with clear distinct boundaries.

I’ve taken a leaf out the Greek Philosopher Epicurus’ book and decided that life is much simpler if all the people I call a friend in my life really is just that: a friend. I’ve said that to each of my 4 boyfriends and each of them appreciated my candor because it was reassuring for them. When boundaries are crossed in friendship they’re no longer a friend anymore, they’re a lover, and once feelings get involved, the situation gets messy.

If you’re serious about having a committed loving relationship in the future, don’t make things weird with your friends! It’s that simple. That way, when you have a potential partner come into your life, you can say with full certainty when introducing them to you circle, that every person in your circle really is just a friend.

2) A Real Friend Apologizes For Hurt Feelings

If boundaries are crossed, then address it immediately, apologize regardless of whether you were in the right or wrong, acknowledge the misstep and move on. Everybody has had a drunken night where they’ve made bad decisions, the important part is the recovery. The sooner you address it, nip it in the bud, the higher the likelihood the friendship can be mended. I understand it’s uncomfortable, however, anything ambiguous is only going to lead into more hurt feelings and nobody ever wants to play games with people’s hearts, it is bad karma.

Evil eyes can manifest in many different ways. I believe it’s possible for people to lose their jobs, prosperous careers, even loving committed relationships, all because of an evil eye has been cast on by so-called jealous friends. A real friend would never deliberately go out of their way to do something out of spite. A loving friendship isn’t about hurting, and if the love feels painful then it probably isn’t love.

We need to all collectively stop using a person’s “acting out” and rage as an indicator of strong feelings with love: love isn’t supposed to be painful. Everybody needs to stop conflating love and pain: the depth of a person’s pain is no indicator of their love for you.

How your friends are with apologies is also a good indicator of whether the friendship is real or not. When you confront a friend about a hurtful thing they’ve done, a real friend acknowledges the hurt and pain they’ve caused, and apologizes for causing it.

Do you acknowledge the hurt and pain in your friendships? And if so, are you able to navigate an apology that gives your friend the assurance, understanding, and compassion that they need to have peace? That’s a real friendship. Talking around difficult issues or leaving them unaddressed for a long period of time can turn any relationship toxic.

So often people make their apologies about egos and power-struggles, and if this dynamic seems familiar, it might be time to move on from that friendship. Revisiting pain from the past is like picking at a scab for fun, it is a toxic cycle that doesn’t allow you to heal and move forward. Real friends honor sincere apologies and move on.

Accepting an apology is one thing, but honoring it is quite another. When accepting or receiving an apology, honoring it means leaving the conversation there and moving forward. Don’t revisit it. If they keep revisiting painful moments of the past that you’ve sincerely apologized for, realize that behavior is a toxic cycle and you don’t need that in your life.

Pride and resentment can kill a person, and they very oftentimes do. Emotional toxicity is the fastest way to develop cancer, I have no doubt that shit will kill you. So cut out the emotional toxicity from your life for the good of your own mental, spiritual, emotional, and even physical health. Get it out of your life.

3) A Real Friend Wants You to Win

When a person posts something online to get underneath your skin, or does something deliberately to cause a fight and provoke you, that’s toxic. If you get a thrill out of such interactions, you might have an addiction to toxicity.

If you get a rush from drama then you might be a toxic person, which isn’t the best thing, but admitting that you might be partial to toxic tendencies is the first step in breaking out of the toxic cycles and friendships once and for all.

I avoid all social and emotional toxicity in my life. I’ve lost countless friends over the years because the situations have turned toxic and I needed to walk away. Self-care is so important. It’s really hard, especially when you share so much history, but all because a person has been in your life a very long time doesn’t make them a real friend; you must look at their behavior.

One thing I’ve learned in life is that good energy begets good energy, bad energy begets bad energy. So, I only try to give loving energy to those who make me feel good, and these friendships reciprocate that loving energy right back to me naturally. It should make you feel good to build your friends up! Everybody should be wanting to see one another win.

Lastly, friendships are the few moments of human interaction where we get to be vulnerable and tender. Can you be tender and vulnerable with your friends? Does your friend soothe that vulnerability, minimize your weakness, build up your self-confidence and instill strength in your character? That’s a real friend.

How To Tell If You Have A Bad Pineal Gland

The Pineal gland, aka The Third Eye, aka the Eye of Horus (if you nasty) is a tiny gland that sits in the middle of our brain and is intimately linked to our body’s perception of light. It’s like an odometer for light inside your brain. The body receives messages from the optic nerve in the eye, which then tells the Pineal gland to release hormones all throughout the body.

As you can see, the role of this gland is no joke. It not only helps the body discern between day and night, it also let’s us know what season we’re in, as well as whether the hours of sunlight are getting longer or shorter. It is also responsible for secreting certain hormones all throughout the day.

Did you know that the closer we get to the equator, the smaller the Pineal gland becomes in animals? This is because with more sun exposure and warmth near the equator, there are far less seasonal shifts. With less seasonal shifts, the Pineal gland doesn’t have to work as hard regulating light exposure. So the size of your Pineal gland might be relative to the extremity of the seasonal shifts you encounter.

How can you tell if you have a solid Pineal gland?

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If you’re a “Morning Person,” and your body automatically wakes up whenever the sun rises, this is good news as it means you probably have a strong Pineal gland. Morning people tend to have stronger Pineal glands than those who sleep-in as the body is attuned to the natural light cycle of the surrounding world around us. One of the chemicals that the Pineal gland is responsible for releasing is melatonin, which is the sleep hormone that helps us fall asleep.

An added benefit of being an early riser is that cortisol levels tend to peak in the morning, which I find akin to nature’s way of encouraging us to be daytime creatures. We’re supposed to bounce around in sunlight. A solid circadian rhythm is a sign of a well functioning Pineal gland, while insomnia and poor sleep cycles tend to be signs of a poor functioning Pineal gland.

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Is it normal for you to wake up feeling like you need more rest? Regardless of how many hours you’ve slept the night before? Is it all too easy for you to sleep-in till noon? Or maybe you don’t feel properly rested until you’ve slept-in till noon? If the sun comes up in the sky and you have no problem staying a Sleeping Beauty in the bed sheets then I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you might have a poor, or even worse, a calcified Pineal gland.

Healthy people get up when the sun is up, it’s that simple. The Pineal gland is responsible for releasing certain hormones at certain times and when it doesn’t secrete the correct chemicals at the proper times, we begin to encounter hormonal imbalances. An example of this hormonal imbalance is missing out on all that delicious cortisol we obtain from peaking in the morning. Cortisol is necessary for us to battle adrenal fatigue and it honestly makes us feel alive. Miss too many cortisol peaks in the morning in a row and you might begin to feel a hormonal shift. Always remember that your body is delicate, you have to pay attention to it.

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Spiritual Awakening

Most importantly for us to remember is that the Pineal gland is responsible for our spiritual awakening. DMT, the natural occurring chemical structure that’s found naturally in humans and animals, is said to be responsible for hallucinating and understanding consciousness, is created in trace amounts where? You guessed it: the Pineal gland. So when you’re taking any type of hallucinogenic, chances are you’re tickling your Pineal gland.

When unlocked, it is said that the Pineal gland can bring about a deeper intuition. It is believed that our ability to discern propaganda and false media messaging is something we heavily rely on our Pineal gland to filter, why? Because it’s responsible for our intuition. It is our most primal instinctual connection to the outside world. It is your animal instinct. It is the sharpest of swords in the weaponry that is your brain. It is the most magical part of the brain.

So, if the Pineal gland is our direct link, our key in many ways, to the outside natural world through light regulation, what do you think would happen to society if you severed the connection to the Pineal gland? Through something like say, fluoridated water? What do you think we’ll begin to see in the world?

We’ll probably have a race of beings that are disconnected from nature. This disconnection from nature bleeds into a spiritual disconnection from their inner selves. People will begin listening to the background noise, and silencing the inside voice. People will become much easier to persuade if they’ve got a blocked intuition. If you’re spiritually disconnected from yourself, how can you possibly spiritually connect to any of the living beings around you, animal or human? This just sounds all too familiar with the world we’re living in today.

How to Decalcify your Pineal Gland?

  1. Avoid Fluoride AND Chlorine in ALL Consumed Water

Stop drinking fluoride. Fluoride is almost always found in municipal water, as well as pesticides, and it accumulates in the Pineal gland more than in any other part of the body. This fluoride creates phosphate crystals that accumulate and create a hard shell around the Pineal gland called calcification:

50% percent of the municipal drinking water around the globe is fluoridated. Interestingly enough however, most developed nations, do not fluoridate their water. Some countries that do not fluoridate their water are: Austria, Belgium, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, Luxembourg, Northern Ireland, Norway, Sweden, Scotland, Iceland, and Italy.

Only 3% of the western European population consume fluoridated water. However, if you live in the USA and your source of water comes from a public water supply, there’s a 74% chance your water has fluoride in it. More people drink, bathe, swim and shower in fluoridated water in the United States than anywhere in the rest of the world combined. Scary!

Yes, fluoride is needed to strengthen tooth enamel, but the fluoride in the toothpaste we use twice a day will more than suffice the ability for us to protect our teeth. Think about it, if the fluoride is doing that to something like your bones, solidifying it and making it harder, can you imagine what it most be doing to the rest of your body? How about our stomach and its ability to digest? Or our lungs and their ability to breathe, which are made up of upwards of 83% water? How about our brains in particular? Did you know there’s actually no blood-brain barrier protecting our Pineal gland like there are other parts of our brain? Wild.

Chlorine is in the same class of chemicals as fluoride (halide anions) so it also has calcifying effects on the Pineal gland too. Unfortunately chlorine is found in virtually all of our public water supply too, so it’s always best to source all water from a fluoride free water filter.

Leave no stone unturned when it comes to avoiding fluoride at all costs. When you clean your teeth, don’t even allow the tap water to touch your lips to rinse, not even for a second. Get a cup of purified water or filtered water and use this to rinse instead.

If you’re boiling pasta, potatoes, vegetables, or anything that requires a water absorption method, use purified or filtered water with fluoride removed. Yes it’s a hassle but you must stay vigilant. This is a marathon and not a sprint. You’re changing lifestyle habits for the rest of your life. This isn’t something you can turn back to once you’ve started because you WILL notice the difference.

Be conscious of Spring water as it still has naturally occurring fluoride. Sometimes Spring water gives me fluorosis flare ups in my shoulder and I know it’ll have fluoride, that’s how sensitive I have become to fluoridated water. The more vigilant and stricter you are, the sooner you’ll begin to notice the positive effects on your Pineal gland.

2. Drink Beverages With Less Fluoride

We all know how I feel about coffee and I’ll write about that another time. We should all be consciously aware that there is fluoride in our beverages too. Instant teas and teas grown in Asian tend to be harvested in soil that has higher levels of fluoride, thus always beware when drinking tea beverages and try to buy from African or European countries that have less fluoride in them.

I’m a huge fan of Green Tea, which unfortunately has the highest level of fluoride of all the teas. It’s best to switch to white tea or yerba mate, which both have significantly less fluoride in them. I liked white tea or yerba mate tea during the initial Pineal flush that I started but I switched back to green tea after finding one that didn’t give me joint pain from suspected fluorosis. Through much trial and error with many different teas, I now only drink Emperor’s Cloud Mist from Starbucks, as this one causes almost no bodily grief.

3. Iodine In Seaweed Flushes Out Fluoride

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Ridding the Pineal gland of fluoride, according to Dr. Mark Sircus, is done with iodine. When the body consumes high levels of iodine, it displaces fluoride from cell receptors and flushes the fluoride out of the body via urine. 

Our bodies can’t make iodine so we must get it from our food meals or supplements.  As expected, it’s estimated that as many as 74% of Americans are deficient in the crucial chemical element of iodine in the body.   

The most superior dietary source of iodine is seaweed.  Specifically, sea veggies like wakame, nori, kombu (kelp), arame, and dulse, which are the richest edible sources of iodine. 

Keep in mind that 1 tablespoon of dried dulse flakes contains about 750 mcg of iodine.  The daily recommended amount is about 150 mcg, so if you decide to up your iodine intake, do so slowly and build your way up so you don’t overwhelm your body.

Detoxing from fluoride using iodine may trigger symptoms like headaches, agitation, and palpitations as fluoride is released.  To minimize those effects, it’s important to work with a natural health specialist and listen to your body. Sleep when you need to. Hydrate when necessary. Sometimes the saltiness can be dehydrating so be sure to keep up the purified water to flush out the fluoride.

4. Exercise = Brain Blood Flow = Pineal Flush

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Have you ever gone a long time without exercise, and then done an intense cardio workout, only to find yourself having a throbbing migraine headache afterwards? That headache, my dear, is blood circulating to your Pineal gland. Have you ever noticed how this type of headache becomes light sensitive? That’s because your body is pushing out endotoxins that have been sitting on you Pineal gland, collecting all sorts of unmentionables since the last time you exercised.

This is why daily exercise is crucial for spiritual health, it pushes blood to that part of the brain that’s deepest and most difficult to gain access to. Have you ever noticed how calm you become after a cardio exercise? Be it a yoga class? Or a swim? Or a jog? That’s your body emitting alpha brainwaves, and those brainwaves are coming from where? You guessed it, the Pineal gland.

This is why breath control in yoga and swimming is so crucial, it pushes oxygen and blood to the Pineal gland. This is why I exercise everyday. I love that feeling of a flushed Pineal gland. I love the feeling of my eyes getting sensitive to light at night, knowing I’ve properly exhausted myself that day. When I’m sensitive to light at night, I know I’m more connected to my deeper animal instincts.

5. Shower Using Seaweed Based Soap

As a lifelong swimmer, the post-practice shower is a crucial part of my after post-workout ritual. If seaweed is good for removing chlorine and fluoride from inside of our bodies, it must be good for removing those harsh chemicals from on top of our bodies, right? Well yes, it turns out to be true.

I’ve started using The Seaweed Bath Company’s Hydrating Cleansing Body Wash - Eucalyptus and Peppermint but honestly just go to Whole Foods or natural drug store and ask for a seaweed based body wash or soap. I’ve noticed a huge difference in my body’s ability to keep fluoride at bay when I consistently use seaweed based body wash or soap every time.

I’ve also noticed my skin is much softer, which means I’m winning my battle with hard water. I love the way my body feels slimy afterward, knowing that the iodine has displaced the fluoride and chlorine on my skin.

I then finish by drying off and lathering my whole body with this amazing coconut collagen oil called Tropikaux. If you don’t have Tropikaux, coconut oil will suffice. Tropikaux is my biggest beauty secret. If you’re lucky to have read this far and uncovered this gem of information. Unfortunately, this product isn’t available online yet but I’m working very hard with the owner to try and get it up. As witchy as it sounds, you can only buy it on the streets of SOHO in New York City.

If you’re in NYC and you want this beauty secret, Tropikaux is sold every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday on W Houston, between Thompson Street and Sullivan Street. It’s sold out of a Zaddy Earth booth in front of The Church of St. Anthony of Padua.

If you’re really want inga bottle, comment below, DM me on Instagram or Twitter and I’ll talk to the owner.

6. Be Patient

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Removing fluoride from the Pineal gland is an ongoing process that is going to take much longer than just a few days. Be diligent with consistency and listen to your body.

Be aware of fluoride and chlorine in your environment, and realize it might be in places you didn’t even realize existed… cleaning supplies tend to be the biggest culprit. Be vigilant about removing those toxic chemicals from your environment.

If you’re a swimmer like me and avoiding chlorine and fluoride is impossible, compensate with raising iodine in your diet with seaweed consumption, and use seaweed based body washes and soaps in the shower to minimize marinating in ugly toxic chemicals.

Conclusion

When my Pineal gland is prosperous and functioning, my whole body feels incredible and I feel alive. ALL my cylinders are firing and all the right hormones are being released at the right times. My libido is healthy and my sex hormones, monitored by my Pineal gland, are balanced. The fresh testosterone my body releases in healthy amounts is done so at the correct times due to my strong functioning Pineal gland inside my brain.

These are just some of the many things I do to maintain a healthy hormonal balance via Pineal gland de-calcification.

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Top 3 Probiotic Products That I Love

Here are 3 probiotic products that work amazingly well for me. In order to get full benefits from your probiotic, you’ll need to follow a few rules listed in a previous blog post.

Top 3 Favorite Probiotic Products:

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#1 Economical: Yakult

I got into Yakult when I lived in Japan for the month of September in 2019. I was staying in a small countryside town called Miyama, which fell under the Fukuoka prefecture.

I was definitely balling on a budget at this time of my life, so I needed a great probiotic product that would be effective but not too costly on my wallet. I went to the local store and found several Japanese folk walking around with Yakult probiotic in their grocery carts. I figured I’d give the product a try.

I didn’t get a single stomach ache while staying in Japan, and while that might have to do with staunch Japanese laws surrounding GMOs, I think a lot of it had to do with taking Yakult everyday. A bottle or two was giving me 10/20 billion probiotics and this is what’s most economically easiest for people. I used 2 because sometimes I feel like my body needs more. Yakult is the absolute best way to start your day! I down a couple of bottles first thing in the morning everyday.

#1 Effectiveness: Plexus ProBio5

Plexus Probio5 is the most expensive probiotic product I’ve ever taken, but incidentally has been the most effective probioitic product I’ve ever taken. As part of a Triplex Plexus Combo, which I’ll rave about in another blog post, where do I even begin with this miracle all-natural formula?

Probio5 is vacuum frozen and shelf-stable, meaning that refrigeration won’t be necessary and makes it easier for travel. It has been proven that freezing bacterial cultures doesn’t kill the bacteria but that the bacteria cultures remain dormant. This means that while they’re frozen they won’t be active, but once the Probio5 is ingested and reaches warmer temperatures inside your stomach, the probiotic activates and gets to work! How amazing is that?

Probio5 boasts only 2 billion strains of probiotics, however the real money is in the concoction of digestive enzymes inside the supplement. The chitinase enzyme in this concentrated form helps fight and remove bacterial and fungal overgrowth, thus restoring gut flora balance within the gastrointestinal microbiota.

The herxheimer reaction, which is basically a fancy word of saying detox symptoms, is very strong with the Probio5, so beware. When Probio5 is taken on its own it can cause great fatigue, which is why I recommend taking ProBio5 with Plexus’ BioCleanse and Slim Tea as part of the Triplex combo.

It is said that 90 days of consistent use of the Triplex combo can restore gut flora balance. This is the product that fixed me after the Rio 2016 Olympics when I was experiencing extreme gut health issues and I truly believe that Plexus is a god send, which truly changed my life.

Full disclosure: I’m a salesperson for Plexus and if you’d like to place an order, use my member ID 900152367 — I get a small commission that goes toward funding my Olympic campaign and you’ll get a healthier gut! Contact me here for more details.

#1 Mental Health: Garden of Life: Mood Plus

Garden of Life has concocted the perfect probioitic product with Mood Plus to help regulate mood and promote emotional well-being & relaxation. While there aren’t any digestive enzymes in this probiotic product, the product contains 350mg of organic ashwagandha, which helps settle the stomach in those suffering with nervousness or anxiety. The organic Alaskan blueberries in the pill are also a great anti-inflammatory addition for oxidative stress.

I did notice myself dealing with stress a lot more level-headed and with much more clarity. There’s something about The Garden of Life: Mood that allows for a much less stressful existence. I’d highly recommend this product if you’re not looking to make a big investment yet in the improving of your gut health, but want to see if there’s any truth to this gut-brain axis that research is showing.

Garden of Life: Mood Plus worked amazingly well for my mental health and made me feel much more adept to handling the stress of day-to-day life.

Conclusion

Take your pick of any one of these products, or maybe try multiple of them! But please know that if you’re in the NZ area, Yakult can be found at any Asian foods store like Tai-Ping in Balmoral, Plexus delivers to your door, and the Garden of Life Mood Probiotics can be found at The Health Post store in New Lynn.