I Promise To Write More

Alright I’m trying to make it a personal goal of mine to write something substantial everyday.  Whether legible or grammatically making sense, it does not matter.  I moved to NYC to write and I’ve been spending too much time dilly-dallying and not enough time focusing on the task at hand!

I’ve been noticing a few things recently…  What I’ve been noticing is that I keep tweeting and posting all the shit that I be using on my IG stories or my Twitter account and then all of a sudden the things that I’m posting about are selling out.  Or, they’re becoming increasingly harder to obtain.

For example: I tweeted about how the only barbers I allow to touch my hair are Japanese barbers.  And the some joke about how I need the inventors of the samurai blade to cut these glamorous tresses!  Now all of a sudden my Japanese barber in midtown is incredibly busy.  It is a first come first serve establishment and I used to only wait 5 minutes maximum for a hair cut.  Now I wait 30 minutes.  Oh and the price has gone up $5!

This isn’t the only example I have of this.  I’ve recently become obsessed with the healing properties of congee.  It is a rice porridge made with bone broth.  In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) it is an healing meal for the gut.  It replenishes the kidneys and supports the spleen.  It removes “damp heat” out of the body and bone broth is said to be full of natural probiotics.  In TCM “like feeds like,” meaning that we can nourish certain organs if we eat the same organs from animal sources.  Don’t be grossed out but my preferred meat to eat with congee is pork liver, which I can literally feel replenishing my nutrient deficiencies after I eat it.

Anyway, I’ve never waited longer than a few minutes for a table at my congee spot.  After posting it up on my IG and tagging the geo-location a few times, the place is busy every time I go there.  In fact, the last time I was there, there was a line extending out the door and down the ramp.  Perhaps it was just the time?  I don’t know.  Perhaps I’m over-thinking it but I don’t think I am.  I really be putting bitches on some of the best shit.

So I give up my hair place and one of my healing gut health places and both become instantly busy.  The lady who runs the congee place laughed at me when I was last in there.  There was a look in her eyes, as if to say she knew.

These are both material examples of physical things that can help improve your appearance and your life.  But I also tweet and share with the world a lot of my thoughts and feelings of places that I’ve traveled.  And then suddenly, I start seeing people in my social circle traveling to these same countries.  Which is good.  If I can be a source of inspiration to get people out there and seeing the world, then so be it!

I tweeted a photo from Doha, Qatar from my time there in 2014 during the World Swimming Champs while the FIFA World Cup was playing there last year.  I told the gays not to be discouraged by any country’s homophobic laws and so long as you are respectful and open-minded while traveling, there is much to explore throughout the world.  You don’t have to agree with a country’s policies in order to appreciate some of the beauty that a nation has to offer.  I’m sorry but all because you can’t host an public orgy in the town’s square doesn’t mean that a city or country isn’t worth visiting.  Sometimes it takes going to these countries without freedom that really teaches you to appreciate what you have.

I’ve also tweeted about India and the Taj Mahal and how blessed I was to visit there.  I was corrected on Twitter for calling the Wonder of the World a temple when it is actually masoleum.  The Taj Mahal was commissioned by Shah Jahan in 1631, to be built in the memory of his wife Mumtaz Mahal, who died on 17th of June that year, while giving birth to their 14th child, Gauhara Begum. The entire thing was created as a love temple dedicated to the passing of his wife. Is this not devastatingly beautiful?

A couple of people that are in my social circle visited both places recently.  I have dear friend who was in Qatar.  And I had another childhood friend recently in India.  If these weren’t inspired by me then perhaps it was influenced, I don’t know?

Maybe this is just a by-product of my millennial narcissism that thinks more people are paying attention than they really are.  But when I looked into the eyes of the woman running the congee shop, it was as if there was a joke behind them.  Do you know what I’m talking about?  When a person appears to be carrying some type of knowledge or information in their back pocket.  It’s like she knew.

So, if people are watching my shit then what can I do to try and monetize from this?  I know.  I’m going to start sharing with the world all the stuff I do to keep everything together!  I’m going to have the basic version, which will be available on this website.  And then I’m going to start a Patreon where people can access the “Deluxe” versions of my lifestyle tips.

I do know how to live well.  I do like to think that I’m maintaining pretty well for my age.  And I’ve been blessed enough to travel far and wide in the world and pick up plenty of health and beauty secrets!  I can’t wait to share them with you all.

Think of this space as the Male Goop and I’m your leader Gwyneth Paltrow.  We as men need to start taking better care of our bodies.  This is an open space for all sexuality types.  I know I have a big gay audience but this resource is aimed at all men, generally speaking.  I actually welcome and encourage the straights to join the group chat.

I just want to make people feel good and be the best version of themselves.  If this is something you might be interested in, please watch this space!

Goodbye St. Francis Athletics Program

in ,

When I took the coaching job at St. Francis College in Brooklyn Heights it was only because I wanted to get lane space to host my private swim lessons.  I was weary of taking this job because I knew I’d become emotionally invested in the success of my swimmers.

For context of my emotional machinations: I have this really bad character flaw where I want to lean out of moments that have the potential to hurt me emotionally and I very much know the reason why I do this as well.  I do it as a sort of self-protection mechanism.  Perhaps if I don’t get too invested emotionally in what I’m doing then perhaps it’ll hurt less when I am not successful in my mission.

Living like this is impossible because you’re always having one foot out the door and you’re never really emotionally present enough to fully absorb all of the experiences that come along with it.  We do this to ourselves all the time.  A form of self-sabotage.  Brené Brown talks about this a lot with the human experience.  How we deprive ourselves of emotional joy because we’re scared it might go away later.

So in taking the St. Francis coaching job I really challenged myself to lean into the process emotionally.  I challenged myself to be emotionally present in every moment.  And while there were background whisperings of our program being cut, I chose not to allow that background noise to affect my sunny disposition when out on the pool-deck coaching.

Energy is contagious and I was always determined to have the most infectious positive vibe possible.

And even when some of the kids I coached had leaned out of the process, I continued to lean in because again this was the challenge that I’d set out for myself to accomplish.  Let me tell you this: when you put all your emotions behind something it does allow full potential for you to be devastated; however, on the other-side of the coin opposite devastation you also have the capacity to experienced unbridled joy.  And the amount of times I felt unbridled joy on that pool-deck coaching those kids will remain forever in my heart.

One part that stands out?  Watching every single swimmer improve their dive, underwaters, and breakouts by ten-fold.  When I first started coaching at St. Francis I couldn’t understand how we’d always lose the starts!  Consistently and across the board, everybody would be about a quarter to half body-length behind other teams every single time.

So we decided to work on dives.  And I taught everybody how to dive with all my experience and expertise.  Then suddenly, we were no longer losing dives at every dual-meet.  And then eventually we were WINNING dives at the dual-meet.  Then we started winning races that we wouldn’t typically win at dual-meets too!

Can I express to you how joyful it is to see your swimmers suddenly winning their races because their start has improved? Moments of joy like this stay with us forever.  And when these swimmers with outstanding eligibility move onto new colleges with new coaches, they can thank the Coaching Staff at St. Francis for giving them a great start!

On Monday 3/20/2023 St. Francis cut their entire athletics program, effective immediately.  Not just swimming and diving but basketball, volleyball, and all other sports.  It wasn’t a shock to me personally but I know that it was a lot to process for many of our swimmers, whom now unfortunately have to find new places to finish out their college swimming careers.

Despite knowing that this was highly likely to happen, I’m proud of everybody that I had the pleasure of working with staying emotionally invested this past swim season.  I apologize that this had to happen and obviously it is beyond my control.  Just know this: I am eternally grateful to everybody that I got to work with on this team.  All the lessons learned, laughs shared, and experiences are now sewn into the fabric of my coaching DNA.

I’m proud of myself for constantly staying emotionally invested even though I knew it would destroy me when it all came to an end.  I cried 3 or 4 times yesterday, which is highly unusual. I’m blaming this on the Saturn moving into Pisces planetary transit!  Naaaah, but really though the only reason why I cried this much was because I really cared. And there’s no shame in caring and giving things your best effort in life.  I really don’t know any other way to live it!

And for my darling St. Francis swimmers: I know it might be an anxious time full of fear and uncertainty, but please stay open and keep the faith that perhaps the new place you’ll land at will make you even happier than you were at St. Francis!  I only wish happiness for you all.  Remember that sometimes life isn’t about where we’re at right now but where we’re heading to in the future.  So, not to be corny and quote Catholicism but keep the faith y’all!  Keep the faith that you’ll land somewhere great.  I can’t wait to see where many of you end up and I’ll of course be following all of your journeys.

I’m applying for new coaching jobs now, which means that I’ll be needing to take things private in terms of social media.  Booooooo!  As much as my fans and loved ones enjoy and understand my sense of humor, my future employers might not be quite as understanding.  Self-awareness is key.  I know how I’m perceived online sometimes.  I’m not an idiot.  I def lean into it sometimes just for fun, whoop!

That’s something I really adored about being at St. Francis College, the ability and permission to be myself.  I would coach in my Britney Spears t-shirt (a gift) and orange sweatpants on pool-deck and nobody batted an eyelash.  It was dope.  I’m a wacky dude sometimes.  Have you read my tweets?  It’s why you love me, honestly.  But for the time being it is time to cosplay as an Adult for the foreseeable future and see where I, myself, land!

One thing is for certain, wherever I go I shall be giving myself generously and without fear.  Or perhaps a healthy dose of fear just for fun:

ZMA

in ,

This is the supplement I was talking about on the podcast.

Did you know that magnesium is needed for over 300 bodily functions? Did you know that a lot of people are deficient in magnesium? Did you know that one cup of coffee in the morning can deplete the body of all your magnesium stores? Did you know that it can takes days, weeks even, to build up the magnesium stores in your bloodstream?

Well, now you do!

Most importantly, did you know that magnesium can help you achieve good sleep? Why? Because magnesium has the ability to normalize and extend stage 3 and stage 4 of slow-wave sleep. This is crucial for athletes as a deeper state of sleep can help to raise growth hormone levels that peak during the night at hour 6 & hour 8 of sleep:

Research suggests that Zinc, Magnesium, and Vitamin b6 taken together has significant benefits to the endocrine system. There was a study performed at Western Washington University (Bellingham) that had NCAA football players take ZMA or a placebo every night during an eight-week spring training program. Athletes taking the ZMA experienced more than a 30-percent increase in testosterone levels, and about a 5-percent increase in levels of the insulin-like growth factor 1 (IGF-1).* Those taking a placebo had a 10-percent decrease in testosterone levels and a greater than 20-percent decrease in levels of IGF-1.

In addition to benefits seen with hormone levels, the ZMA-supplemented athletes made significantly greater gains in strength, power, and achieved better sleep quality, than the placebo group. Better sleep quality also helps to aid muscle recovery from tough workouts.

These benefits occurred in the ZMA group despite the fact that the analyses of their diets found that the NCAA football athletes were all consuming well over the recommended intake for zinc. It would appear that ZMA increases the bio-availability and nutritional content of food. Meaning that more nutrients are being absorbed into the human body from food with the ZMA group.

It Is Good For Cortisol Balance

Both zinc and magnesium are also suggested to stunt cortisol, a catabolic hormone. I’ve written about cortisol here. German researchers found that triathletes taking a magnesium supplement for four weeks maintained healthy cortisol levels at rest and after a triathlon, as compared to athletes taking a placebo. And Brazilian researchers also reported that subjects supplementing with zinc maintained healthy cortisol balance.

How and when to take?

I’ve been taking my own ZMA right before bed but I’m just learning now that it should be taken 1 hour before bedtime to maximize absorption.

Timing of supplements is important so I will heed to this advice and make the adjustment. I’ll keep you all updated on the latest episode of my podcast!

AMINI'S LEMONADE A+

in ,

Feeling a bit sluggish after meals?  Do you think that your stomach might need a lil help digesting that heavy meal you just consumed?  Well, no fear!  Try AMINI’S LEMONADE A+!  This bad-boy-juice is designed to jump-start your liver into producing adequate bile that your gallbladder will then distribute into your stomach.

Drink this concoction directly after eating and it will most definitely work its magic!

Warning: the first few times you drink this it might be incredibly bitter and acidic, what this means is that your body needs it even more.  The more this repels you, the more your body needs it.

AMINI’S LEMONADE

1/2 Cup of Organic Lemonade (sugar-free)

16 OZ of Spring Water (preferably chilled)

2 Tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar

1 Sachet of Trader Joe’s 100% Ginger Mix OR 1 Sprinkle of Dehydrated Ginger Spice

INSTRUCTIONS:

1)      In a protein shaker bottle add the lemonade first, water next, the ACV, then the sachet of Ginger / Ginger herbal sprinkles.

2)      SHAKE THAT BAD BOY UP!!!!

3)      Drink with a straw so you don’t ruin the enamel on your teeth.

EXTRA CREDIT

To make this AMINI’S LEMONADE A+ you’ll need to add 1 capsule of Bromelain & 10 drops of Grapefruit seed extract.  These are 2 powerful digestive enzymes and biofilm destroyers that will help your body breakdown any strange pathogenic buildup.

I only drink AMINI’S LEMONADE A+ and let me tell you, this shit works.

Warning #2: Expect to feel emotional drinking this concoction every day after dinner.  The feelings of anger, guilt, shame, and sadness all live inside the liver.  If you feel emotional after drinking this for a few days IT IS A GOOD SIGN!!!  It means that it is WORKING.  Don’t give up.  Persevere through the pain because it is your body releasing some of the buried trauma that has accumulated over the years.

I Love Japanese Buddhist Temples Pt. 2

in ,

Over two and a half years later here is the follow-up to my blog: “I Love Japanese Buddhist Temples Pt. 1.”

A lot of thoughts have been swirling in my mind lately. A big part of that is being triggered by the conversation surrounding women’s rights and terminating pregnancy. How uncanny is it that the Buddhist Temple I visited on my trip to Fukuoka would be dedicated to this very subject? It would appear that fate has a way of creeping up on us when we least expect it.

The Buddhist Temple we climbed up was The Daihonzan Naritasan Kurume Temple. The enshrined deity is that of Fudō Myo-o, a powerful Buddhist God who converts anger into salvation. This Buddhist God has a furious and death glaring face, which Fudō uses to frighten people into accepting the teachings of Buddhist Law.

Fudō Myo-o is depicted as carrying a devil-subduing sword in their right hand, which represents wisdom cutting through ignorance, while the left hand is used to catch and bind up demons. Often the third eye is exposed in the forehead (Pineal gland) And Fudō Myo-o is often seated or standing on a rock because Fudō is “immovable” in their faith. Fudō is also worshiped as a deity who can bring about monetary fortune.

When you go inside Fudō, you climb up what feels like a thousand steps! It is 203 feet / 68 meters tall, so you really have to prepare yourself for the hike. There are several different levels inside the structure, with Buddha statues, paintings, and art work as you walk your way up.

There is one level that I remember so vividly. It’s called “The Room with a Thousand Buddhas,” and it is quite literally a level where there are a thousand Buddhas. It is about three-quarters of the journey up Fudo. I remember stopping at this level and feeling overwhelmed with all the golden Buddha statues staring at me. I wanted to take a photo but refrained from doing so. It seemed too special of a place to cheapen with a tourist’s photo. Have you ever seen a room full of a thousand golden Buddha statues? It is quite overwhelming and something struck deep in my belly and sent shivers up my spine.

As we got to the top there was a spot where we could look over the city. It was here that I saw a fire happening at a house below. I posted it on my IG stories hoping that everyone was okay. I still hope that everybody is okay.

The journey up Fudo is going to mean something different for everyone. Walking up this temple can be viewed as a form of physical catharsis. You know how sometimes people workout really hardcore, just to feel the burn? As if the workout itself is a self-cremation of sorts. Like, a self-cremation of emotions deep inside the body? That is the feeling that climbing up the top of Fudo recreates.

This physical journey up Fudō is supposed to make you feel physical catharsis. After that kind of workout you’ve pumped so much blood up into the Pineal gland that once you’re done, your brain has no choice but to emit alpha brainwaves. This is why shavasana is so important in yoga practice because that stillness really allows you to feel the joy of emitting alpha brainwaves. That feeling is powerful. It is an easy replacement for any harmful vice we feed the body.

I think about how standing inside the top of that Temple inside Fudō would mean something different to everybody. I think about a Mother who has just miscarried and how the hike up this Temple would be a physical manifestation of letting go of that child. I’ve never had a girl pregnant. I’ve never suffered a miscarriage. So to me, none of this is relevant but I still hold compassion in my heart for anybody that has suffered a loss of life whether by choice or by bad luck. Perhaps it wasn’t for me to seek benefit from an experience like this directly, but to learn about how to hold love and compassion in my heart for others.

Purgatory Baby Artwork

On the walls on the way down there are some paintings. I am not an art historian but I can see those over-sized babies running around while surrounded by some type of dragon/demon. These paintings are but a small recipe of what is next on this Buddhist Temple journey.

The structure was built in 1953, 5 years after Japan legalized abortion. You can view this Temple as a Buddhist response to the topic of terminated pregnancies. This is where many couples would visit after suffering a miscarriage or a terminated pregnancy as means of catharsis and reflection. I mentioned in my last blog post also about how peaceful the garden area was. I now understand that this garden is a place that allows us to sit and reflect and be still with our thoughts after we have climbed Fudō Myo-o.

I’m getting lazy now so I’m just going to write directly from a tour guide pamphlet we were given on this journey. It does a much better job of explaining than I do:

“The Kurume Naritsaan Temple was opened in December, 1958 as a division of the main temple Naritsaan-Shinshoji in Chiba Prefecture. It is noted nationally as a major “migawari fudouson” (a place where the victim of some illness or misfortune may remove his discomfort by the help of Fudo). The Kurume Naritasan Temple is supposed to provide blessings for traffic safety, fortune increase, business success, family well-being, the salvation of aborted babies, the gratification of all wishes, protection from evil.

“Jibo Kannonzou” (the large, motherly statue) was built in January, 1983. It is 62 meters high, the largest “Kannonzou” (goddess of mercy statue) in Kyushu. On the forehead of the statue are jewels set in the “byakugo,” which was originally a white hair between the brows of Buddha. The jewel found in the center of the breast, the “Yoraku” is said to provide everyone with protection from evil, Inside the body of the statue, images of 3 other Buddhist Fods can be found:

1) Dainchi Nyorai - principle image of Buddha in the Shingon Esoteric Buddhism

2) Shaka Nyorai - Shakamuni Goutama, the founder of all Buddhism

3) Yakushi Nyorai - Buddha of medicine, who releases people from pain and cures their illnesses.

Through these Buddha, people pray for the prosperity of their family and relatives, for the longevity of their descendants, and for general health. Halfway up the inside staircase, one can find “Sentaibutsu,” a thousand images of Buddha, popularly believed to be potent because of the large number of figures. These images stand in memory of ancestors and aborted babies.”

*

Downstairs inside the feet of the temple has a set of different rooms. Inside these rooms are various depictions of heaven and hell in the Buddhist religion. You aren’t allowed to take photos inside these rooms. Obviously you can because the Japanese are very non-confrontational and if you did it they’d just pretend they didn’t see. But for me, I am superstitious and I refrained from taking photos.

I did snap one photo of the entrance leading into “Hell,” which I have here:

As you can see there are a ton of baby skulls building the gateway into hell. This is only the beginning, inside it gets far darker and much more gruesome. The depictions of hell are so memorable to me.

The depictions of heaven were incredibly tranquil and beautiful, so there definitely is a balance. You walk through hell first, and then you go through heaven later, which to me beautifully symbolizes one’s journey through life and into enlightenment. Sometimes you’ve got to go through hell before you can really get to, and appreciate, Heaven.

This Temple is such a beautiful way for a country to deal with a delicate topic such as abortion. With everything that has been happening in the news lately, it is important to support women’s rights. More importantly than supporting women’s rights, we have to recognize what loving and protecting women looks like.

If we love women, and we really seek to protect them, we should live our lives in a way that is centered around that notion. That is what is so beautiful to me about this Temple is that it is a place to seek peace, forgiveness, and atonement for all the various complications surrounding the delicate nature of life.

It is believed in the Buddhist culture that if a woman has chosen to have an abortion, she must raise at least one child in order to offset the karmic balance of this act. I remember hearing somewhere that this is the reason why Angelina Jolie has so many kids. I’m not going to say or speculate on how many terminated pregnancies anybody has had because it is none of my business, nor am I ever in any position to judge. What I am in a position to do is hold compassion and empathy in my heart to people who have suffered the loss of life for any reason: whether deliberate or by twisted karmic fate, I hold place in my heart for anybody who has had to suffer.

I encourage all people who have lived through this journey and have yet to find resolve, or have yet to reach a place of self-forgiveness, I highly encourage them to visit this Temple as a means of honoring that memory. Whether they go with the person they did this with, or whether they go alone it does not matter. What matters is honoring life and accepting how important the sanctity of life truly is. This is a place to go and seek refuge and gain peace within one’s soul. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: what a beautiful way to deal with such a sensitive topic.

I think about Polynesia and my own cultural heritage and how we deal with the unborn and I think of my childhood best friend Malcolm, who is half Cook Islander. I remember going to their house and seeing a series of photographs of flowers, each one pink, and each one inside their own individual frames. There were maybe 7 of them. Next to these photos of flowers were a series of portraits of both Malcolm and his little sister Leilani-Grace. A portrait for each and every single year of life, which was really entertaining seeing what the kids looked like at every year of life. Super cute!

I’d never really given much thought about the photos of the flowers but now I understand the significance of them. Each flower, within each individual frame, next to photos of the 2 children were representations of miscarriages. When I was younger I thought these were morbid but now as a fully grown adult that has visited Japanese Buddhist Temples I realize that this is actually beautiful. This is the only Pacific Island way of dealing with this topic that I’m familiar with. I don’t know how Tongans deal with the topic of abortion, all I know is that you can’t get access to one in Tonga because it is still illegal.

I don’t know what the standard practice of gifting is as far as unborn children are concerned, but I think getting somebody who has gone through that traumatic experience a plant is a beautiful way of recognizing it. Lately I’ve been lighting a candle every night alongside my Anahata chakra (heart center) candle. The reason why I am doing this is simple: I want to honor life.

And when I stare at my little candle burning inside the lotus flower - the one I use to honor life - I think of all the ways I can hold space and compassion inside of my heart for others.

The Brooklyn Move Around Adventures

in

So, we are moving around a lot. We are moving around, A LOT! I left the high-rise in Hell’s Kitchen and moved to Brooklyn. I wrote about it here. The first place I stayed left a lot to be desired. I didn’t bother leaving an AIRBNB review because some places are simply not worth the trouble.

Every modern business these days run on reviews my own included. I don’t want to give a negative review because I fear the retaliatory measures taken against my business, so I will stay mum on the subject. Not all search engines have robust ways of filtering out dishonest reviews so the easiest way to deal is this: if you don’t start none, there won’t be none. However, it must be noted for the record that my former Airbnb host has since been suspiciously taken offline, which has sent the CONSPIRACY THEORIST within me REELING!

After my first place I moved to a FABULOUS AirBNB in… Well, I couldn’t tell you where because it is highly controversial. Upon first entering the space I asked the owner if I was indeed Crown-Heights because, um, it felt very Crown-Heights outside. The landlord assured me that it was definitely still Bed-Stuy because apparently Crown-Heights started south of Atlantic Avenue. All allegedly of course. This was our first interaction of a month long stay so I def didn’t wanna argue with a person who is responsible for the place I am sleeping for the next month or so.

I miss this place though. The ceilings were taller than 12 feet and that to me is very glamorous. Every morning I woke up feeling like I was in Madonna’s “Take A Bow” music video.

While it was rough outside (I got yelled at by a crackhead suprisingly only once) the streets were stunningly gorgeous. The restaurants were fantastic. I’d never had oxtail as delicious as I did it at The Jamaican Pattie Hut on Nostrand Avenue, which incidentally would roast jerk chicken on the pavement outside every day. This made me feek like I was back in Tonga!

I think it was them? Who knows. There were plenty of west Indian food places on the block so whoever they were, they had excellent taste in music. They be blasting that stuff loud and proud while roasting jerk chicken on the streets. If you’ve been tuning into my IG stories, you’ll know what I’m talking about!

My current place of residence is definitely 100% Crown-Heights. I love this new spot and what is even greater is that I have my own bathroom. Score! This neighborhood makes me giggle. It was where my bestie Morgan and Melissa moved when they first came to the city after crashing on me and Shanta’s couch for a couple weeks while living in Cobble Hill.

Speaking of Cobble Hill, I am moving back there next month! I am returning to the place where it all began with some semblance of permanence, thank goodness! I hate moving around places month-to-month although it has certainly kept life interesting. I got very good at packing my entire life into one suitcase.

It’ll feel great to be in the same place for 3 months! And guess what? I’ll have my own bathroom again! Double score.

I am looking to get a place of my own but I have been lazy and procrastinating. I make enough money to be able to afford it but I’ve been moving slowly because… Well, I don’t have any excuses. My business is doing very well and I’m kept very busy. I haven’t begun a big marketing push yet because I honestly haven’t needed to. Word of mouth marketing is the best type of marketing and I’ve been able to sustain myself through this.

I keep saying I want more money saved before I find something permanent in terms of housing but that’s really just an excuse. I have plenty of money haha. I keep saying I want to focus on building my business but that’s taken care of. I don’t really have any reason! I have been taking my time. Mercury is in retrograde so perhaps this is a project that is best left for me to achieve in the fall! For now my life is very Sagittarius without much structure and regime and I kinda like it.

We Walk Through Fires Alone

I’ve been through a lot in my life. None of that is relevant, but what is relevant is how I dealt with it. I didn’t run away from my problems by turning to drinking, drugs, nor partying. I sit by myself and I think long and hard about my issues. I journal and I get it onto paper. Sometimes I seek therapy and counsel. I do all the hard work to make sure I get through the tough times. And when I find resolve, I hold onto it, doing my best not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Heartache offers steep learning lessons in life. More often than not, I come out the other side enlightened. It’s akin to walking through fire: everything must be scorched to the ground before rising again like a cliche phoenix from the ashes. That’s big Scorpio energy. Breaking oneself down, metamorphosis, and then re-birth. Coming back stronger than ever.

It isn’t easy though, walking through fires. It can be incredibly painful. But it is from this pain that I find lessons, and from these lessons I obtain wisdom.

Wisdom has a way of drawing people in. It offers insight and perspective. People are drawn to those who are evolved. I’ve shed many layers in my 32 years of life and these green eyes have seen a lot. The last 2 years especially! Surviving the pademz while also finding ways to survive. Sharpening my skills as a swim coach in the process.

Because I am more complete than I am incomplete, what I’ve learned is that people think I can fix them. I once had a beautiful man, the first night I met him, say to me: “You can fix me.” And when I looked into his big brown eyes, I almost believed him. I knew better of course. I’d been through 3 serious boyfriends prior and I knew this isn’t how love worked, but his charm overtook my logic, and I regressed. It ended painfully because I learned once again that I can’t be responsible for anybody else’s happiness outside of my own. Tons of therapy taught me this.

Wisdom radiates throughout my aura. This sounds incredibly cocky and arrogant but I don’t care. Why? Because I know who I am, I know where I came from, and I know where I’m going. I’m a human spirit driven by emotional fulfillment rather than materialistic possessions. I have very little to lose in life, and that can be very intimidating to people. Why? Because I’m in touch with what is real and they are not. I might be in this world, but I am not of this world.

People spend their entire lives trying to learn about who they are. Many get to their deathbed and still don’t know who they are. Most don’t know where they came from, nor do they know where they’re going. These are lost people. Spiritually broken without anything to look forward to. Their main focus in life is a holiday once or twice a year, and maybe a pair of pretty new shoes, or even an expensive fragrance. Whatever it is, which is usually something materialistic, it’s never enough to sustain the human spirit.

I have a warm spirit that radiates to the outside. Roald Dahl wrote about it in his novel “The Twits”: if you think good thoughts, and are a kind, considerate soul, you’ll stay beautiful forever. Deepak Chopra talks about this in his work “Radical Beauty,” the idea being that internal beauty has a way of becoming external, which is something that a lot of people pick up on.

Many mistakenly think that I’m capable of healing or fixing them too. And the truth is: you cannot heal anybody else by being within close proximity to a healed person, it doesn’t work that way. Another gem I learned through copious amounts of therapy.

Over time I’ve learned to reject all baggage that is not my own. This can become incredibly frustrating for spiritually broken people. It’s the old adage: “the reason why you love them is also the reason why you cannot stand them.” I am complete and I am whole, and the reason why they cannot stand me is because my sense of security and self-awareness highlights the lack of emotional fulfillment they have in their own lives. Jealousy, ugly feelings, and misery soon follows. And as they say: misery loves company. I downright refuse to be miserable.

So then they start pulling all the stops to try and tear me down to their low frequency. Rather than elevating and getting onto my level, and walking through fires I have, they choose to project their insecurities onto me. What a terrible way to live life. Hoping that somebody else can become as self-loathing as they are. And it never works because I’m in touch with my shadow self.

I’m aware of the darkness within me, and rather than running away and hiding from it, I acknowledge it. Sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes I experience low-frequency vibrations. But it is through recognition of these feelings that opens up the door for me to seeing it in other people. I don’t run away from ugly feelings anymore. I invite them forward, embrace them, and then find ways to convert that negative energy into positive change. This is the secret to to a fulfilling and joyful life: taking pain and converting it into something beautiful.

This is why I love being a swim coach so much. Because I’ve lived through so much pain these last 2 years, and I’m in the process of channeling it into creating a beautiful swim business. I get to work with kids, which brings me so much joy you couldn’t even begin to imagine. I get to shape them, and I’m entrusted to guide them. I foster an environment of growth. And after all that, I get to collect a paycheck doing the thing I love. It’s not based on moving product and spreadsheets, its based on development, nurturing, growth. What a beautiful way to make a living.

And you'll soon see that in life, when you’re in a good and happy place, you don’t feel the need to tear other people down. When you’re in a great place, you’ll find ways to elevate others, in a very profound, sincere, and impactful, lifelong way. This is one of my strengths as a swim coach. I’m constantly looking to elevate my swimmers.

The skill of introspection makes me incredibly unique. It is something that other people can obtain for themselves but the problem is that it takes an incredible amount of hard work peeling away at the layers of your own personal shortcomings. It takes a lot of discipline, and people would much rather soothe their emotions with drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol than fix their deep emotional wounds. And who can blame them? It is so much easier to have a quick fix than it is to dig deep inside yourself to fix root causes of pain.

Anybody can project pain onto another person without owning their own shit first. Do you know how hard it is to sit by yourself and think about all the mistakes you’ve made in life? It’s really fucken hard. Why? Because it hurts the ego! But in order for real spiritual awakening to happen, we must kill, or at the very least, silence our egos. That’s why the experience of ego death is so incredibly important; it’s the only way we can even begin to think about awakening before we can begin ascending.

I’m unafraid of walking through fires in life. It’s a part of every human’s journey. I encourage others to do it, but ultimately it isn’t up to me to help anybody else figure themselves out. I’ve got too much of my own shit to deal with. Yet still, I hold onto hope and space in my heart for people to change themselves.

I need others to step up and get on my level. I’m no longer allowing people to drag me down anymore. And so, life can get lonely. But I’d rather be lonely with my healthy light than surrounded by people who are constantly trying to steal it because they’re too lazy to create their own.

My life feels like that of a firefly: people are always trying to trap me in a jar to use my light. And me being a Sagittarius, the moment I feel trapped in any way whatsoever, I’m out!

I still have a lot of work to do. I’m far from perfect. But, I’ve done a lot of hard work on myself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I can’t wait to share that with my team. I said it once, and I’ll say it again for good measure: I might be living in this world, but I am not of this world.

I'm A Brooklyn Baby

in

Howdy from Bed-Stuy!

I bet that wasn’t a sentence you were expecting to read anytime soon. And honest to God, it wasn’t something I’d foreseen myself a few months ago!

I did an IG story about a week ago declaring my departure from the high-rise in Hell’s Kitchen. Everything was going fine until I took up a job as a Volunteer Assistant at St. Francis College in November last year.

I took the job with the understanding that I’d be able to get lane space at 180 Remsen Street to teach private swimming lessons. My dream is to one day have my own team in Downtown Brooklyn, but there’s still a lot of work that must be done before I accomplish this.

After trying, and ultimately failing, to juggle my assistant job, with my volunteer assistant job, with starting my own swim business, it all became overwhelming to say the least! I’m not afraid of hard work, but there are only 24hrs per day and it isn’t realistic for me to juggle 2 different jobs while trying to start, and operate, my own business. So, I dropped the part-time assistant job and moved into my own temporary spot in Brooklyn.

Right now, I’m at an AirBNB. Moving on short notice (I only had a week) this was all I could find. And honestly, it’s fine. I have a bed, a shower, and all the things I need. My former roommate was lovely enough to offer me another month of staying in Hell’s Kitchen but I declined. I really need to be on my own to start building things from the ground up.

I wish I could’ve built this business a long time ago, but due to the restrictions of the pandemz and everything that has transpired these last 2 years, building my own swim business has been placed on hold.

While we’re back to basics, I’m really happy here in my new place. And while it certainly isn’t as luxurious as the multi-million dollar high-rise, I do feel at peace, and I do feel more at home here. Now is the time to start building. I’m enjoying the sovereignty I have over my own life. It is incredibly freeing, kind of scary, yet totally exciting.

I don’t have a green card (yet) but I have applied for one and I should hear back from them later this year. My current visa only allows me to work swim related jobs. So, it has been incredibly restricting and difficult getting everything off the ground. I don’t have the luxury of getting a regular 9-5 job and earning an income that a person with a college degree can, so I’ve had to make do with what I can.

Have you ever seen me complain about my immigration status? NO! Because that doesn’t solve anything. Complaining won’t pay my rent, nor will it pay my bills. That stuff must get taken care of regardless of my immigration status, and it has been taken care of with hard work and creativity.

It is kind of amazing that I live in New York City, don’t have a green card, and have still managed to find a way to stay out of debt. I live in the most expensive and exciting city in America, if not the world, and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished given the circumstances. Most people would’ve moved home by now but not me. I have a steely determination and a high work ethic that sees all my projects through.

Even when I was working as Barista at Starbucks, I always give everything I do my best effort. If you ever meet Amini Fonua, you’ll surely remember his work ethic! I knew I was capable of accomplishing much more, and I knew being a Strbks Barista wasn’t going to be forever, it was just a stepping-stone onward to greater things. All I needed was the time.

And now? The time is here! The time for me to build my swim team and collect checks and offer my expertise to young budding swimmers has arrived. I’m so incredibly grateful for my tenacity to stick around and be in the city throughout this entire ordeal.

The people who stayed in New York City throughout the pandemic, the ones who didn’t leave, and the ones who found a way to make it work without applying for Unemployment and food stamps, they’re the fucken real ones. They are the tough ones! They’re the ones that kept this city moving, that kept this city alive. I was a part of that. And when I look back and think about surviving the pandemz, I’m happy for being able to do so.

I don’t have the luxury of a family that I can fall back on during these tough times, but I created a surrogate family along the way.

Thank you to Jarrad, for always looking after me, and for allowing me to look after you in return. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it work, but I’ll always think of you fondly. The bond we share is incredibly special. I’ve learned so much from you, and I couldn’t have survived this without you.

Thank you to Shanta, for literally giving me a bed to sleep on when I broke up with my Jersey boyfriend 2 years ago. She took me in, no questions asked, and made me feel incredibly welcome in her home. A feeling that felt foreign to me at the time, for reasons I cannot get into.

I’m so incredibly lucky to have felt loved throughout with my actual family, who continued to call me multiple times a week to see if I was okay. We survived a pandemic, went to the Olympics, and lived through a volcanic eruption! You can’t say it hasn’t been an interesting 2 years.

It’s incredibly humbling to go from the pampered luxury living in a high-rise to an AirBNB in Bed-Stuy, but I like to think of myself as a pretty humble guy most of the time. And, just like my job at Starbucks, it’s a stepping-stone toward bigger and better things. I take the lessons from all these experiences and carry them forward into my business.

This AirBNB might be a shoe-box, but at least I can say with fullness in my heart that it is mine. I paid for it. I own it, albeit temporarily, and I feel a huge sense of gratitude for staying here. I slept 10 hours last night, better than I’ve slept in months. It’s stressful trying to be everybody’s everything, but now the only person I have to worry about is myself, my swimmers, and my business.

This is where I’m at in my life, and I’m neither embarrassed nor ashamed because I know where I’m going and I know what I’m doing. My path is full of purpose. I’m on an upward trajectory and I’m building something fulfilling that I hope to do for years to come.

Watch this space!

How To Spring Clean That Liver

Did you know that according to traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), spring time is the quintessential time to do a cleanse? This time of year is a great for ridding the body of emotions, thoughts, feelings, people, situations, toxicity, and just generally shitty things that no longer serve in the best interests of ourselves or others. Did you know that the feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, sadness, and lethargy are associated with the liver?

While it can be argued that the liver doesn't necessarily store toxins, it is responsible for cleansing toxins out of the body, and looking after our digestion. Not just the digestion of food, but how we perceive and digest the world around us. The liver is magical and mystical and you should do your best to look after yours.

I've been doing a liver cleanse for months now and I've kicked it up a notch the past couple of weeks. According to some great doctors I've discovered on YouTube, it can take upwards of 3 years of consistent cleansing to heal a fatty liver.

I've had my fair share of bad habits in my 20’s, which I believe can be reversed if I focus all my attention and intention on healing myself physically.

These are the steps I'm taking. According to my favorite YouTube Doctor, Dr. Berg, in order to heal and strengthen the liver it is a years long process. Every time you indulge in liver stress, it can take upwards of 3 - 4 days to recuperate and get back to baseline. What causes liver stress? Well, you already know: smoking tobacco, a heavy night of drinking, recreational drug use, prescription drug use, or even an unhealthy processed food can cause a lot of stress on the liver.

Because I'm human beeeeeeeeeeeeing, I will most likely fall from time to time, I've allowed myself one night of drinking every month. I've done my calculations and I believe that incorporating recovery time from drinking once per month, I’ll need an extra 36 days of recovery. 36 multiplied 3 years, is 108 days of allocated liver recovery time. So if I just go straight edge, I can get it done in 3 years. IF, I decide to drink once per month, that adds another 3.5 - 4 months of recovery time needed.

And that’s just drinking once a month, which is the healthiest way to do it because it allows your body 30 days to reset your alcohol tolerance. If you’re drinking multiple times per week, or worse yet, every single day, you’re constantly barreling your liver with punches of stress, killing all hope of future happiness in the process. What goes up, must come down. Once you get to 30, you’ll look around you and realize the happiest people are the ones who invested less into their vices, and more into their achievements.

Only because I'm feeling like a generous King am I going to start serving you brats my digestion secrets. My Scorpio placements are telling me to keep my secrets to myself. However, today I woke up feeling more Aquarius Venus energy after this Full Moon in Leo.

I’ve already tweeted this secret but basically you want to drink this amazing concoction every night before you go to bed:

Now, you get a little exclusive secret because you found yourself up here on my website. I actually use a lot more lemon juice. Like, a LOT more lemon juice. I use 1/4 of a cup of ORGANIC lemon juice every time. That’s a lot but for me, the intense internal cleansing is what my digestive system needs, and so it works.

This concoction is believed to do the following:

  • Vitamin C to prevent oxidative stress upon the liver

  • Increases Glutathione, which is a powerful antioxidant, and used by the mitochondria (think our body’s energy factory) to prevent oxidation

  • Protects against liver damage, the phytonutrients are very necessary for protecting liver cells against chemicals

  • Citric acid decreases oscillates

  • Anti-inflammatory properties to offset the inflammatory damage done by liver stress (NAFLD)

  • Suppresses fat storage

  • Speeds up digestion through encouraging the body to release bile and enzymes that break down food in the digestive tract

  • Stabilizes blood sugars so you develop less insulin resistance

  • Reduces liver damage, and when ingested extensively for a long period of time, can reverse liver damage, provided the liver has minimal stress

FAIR WARNING: Prepare to feel some intense emotions while you do this for the first few days or first few weeks, depending on the state that your liver is in. The more intense the emotion, the more it is needed. Like I said in the beginning, you will go through the following emotions that are associated with the liver: anger, resentment, frustration, sadness, and lethargy.

Give yourself time to heal. Be patient and gentle with your body. Take care of your body!

Whatever emotion you’re feeling, make sure you sitting still long enough to invite it forward, and really allow yourself to process and feel some difficult feelings. You might cry, and that’s okay, because that means it is working and your body is releasing all it is that you’ve been holding onto this whole time.

We can’t keep running from things forever, we must be brave and face difficult emotions head on. If we feel shame and deep regret, that’s fine. That’s human. It can’t be all lollipops, serotonin, and dopamine all the time. Stop running away from the difficult things and face them, alongside cleansing your liver! Maybe you can journal your feelings. Even this is a form of catharsis. Regardless, get the bad feelings out, and breath the good vibes in.

You’re going to be fine! After 3 years and 4 months of cleansing drinking only once a month.

Extra Credit: add a packet of SUGARFREE ginger tea from Trader Joe’s. Don’t be shocked by the price, it’s literally half the price when you shop in store.

What Is Your Final Sacrifice This Scorpio Szn?

I have a vision for the life that I’m wanting to build for myself and I’m well on my way to building it. There is, however, a small niggling feeling this isn’t all quite over yet. I’ve got to make a final sacrifice this Scorpio season… we all have to my loves. And that final sacrifice is going to dictate whether we take steps toward our highest frequency, or if we stay trapped and regress back into our old habits.

I predict the next month, we are going to be confronted with a very important decision that’s going to affect our personal growth more than ever. We’ve shifted into the Age of Aquarius. The Saturn retrograde over the last 4 months was also in Aquarius, so it has been requiring us to think about ourselves in the world as part of a collective. What are you contributing to this world? And how is it that you’ll be remembered? This Saturn retrograde has all been about service, and it has us thinking of the services we offer to others in this life.

Service really is of the highest order. One of the parents of a kid I used to teach in Pacifica, California; their family was Catholic. His Mom said something very wise to me at a time I really needed to hear it. I was struggling to build my swimming lesson business and when she asked me if I did anything else beside coaching. I kind of went into some long-winded explanation of where I was at in my life, and because of how long-winded it was, it sort of highlighted my feelings of self-consciousness in terms of where I was in that exact moment of my life.

I could tell this Catholic Mom could see right through me. As I finished my, 7 minute schpeel about how I was working a coffee job for insurance purposes but trying to start a swim lesson business, but finding it difficult to find people in the Bay Area with any REAL money that wasn’t tied up in stock and somehow imaginary. My business runs on liquid assets, not stock, and finding people in the Bay Area that are cash rich is actually quite tough. As I finished my words, she let there sit a long pause. One that made me feel so uncomfortable because I had so obviously said way too much about myself in a short car-ride. After an eternity she said: “Well, sometimes you can find yourself in service to others.” And the words struck me like lightning. She dropped me at the Millbrae Train Station and the words sat with me for a while.

My gift and service that I have to share with this world is my Swim Coaching. Now that Saturn, the planet of self-restraint and discipline is spinning direct, we are all in for one more rude awakening to round out the year. Something is going to happen soon that’s going to allow us the opportunity to shift something within ourselves. However, we each have to be listening to the winds and paying attention in order to hear the message.

When you know, you’ll know. And when it happens, it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks. This moment will come with an intense emotion and please make special note of whether this emotion is positive or negative. If it’s a negative one, you’ll need to take this emotional energy and channel it as motivation for a project that will come into fruition within the next 8-12 months. If it is a positive one, it means you’ll have worked hard on yourself during the Saturn retrograde and the Universe is recognizing this and rewarding you for your service.

Scorpio Season is going to be twice as intense this year because Mars moves into Scorpio next weekend on the 30th of October I believe. This is such a powerful time for change. This is an incredibly powerful moment to make beautiful sacrifices that will pay off dividends in the future.

For me, my Saturn retrograde has been a big exercise in self-discipline and restraint. It has been about staying patient. It has been about staying hungry. The Saturn Retrograde in Aquarius was all about love for me, as Venus is in Aquarius in my star chart. I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons learned in love this summer but I’ve managed to captured that energy, and then I drew fire from it to kick-start a propeller that would catapult me forward into dealing with other areas of my life that needed to be worked on.

I’m in that productive living part of life. My schedule next week is booked and busy with coaching everyday. I’m hearing from parents who want their children to do swim lessons on a daily basis. I’m running an agenda on my phone and finding clashes everywhere, which really feels good because it means I’m busy.

This is the beginning. This is the inception.. There is a long road ahead, however I have the mental clarity and physical fortitude to venture forth on this journey. Clearing my body, mind, spirit, and soul the past 4 months has been so intense! Realizing and accepting there are things that are still trapped deep inside me, a lot of hurt and pain, but choosing not to beat myself up over the fact that time is all it takes to heal. I can’t run away from feeling it anymore though, I have to welcome it forward and bring it into healing.

The final sacrifice I’m probably going to have to make is probably social media related, which I don’t think is going to be sorely missed because barely 300 people view my stories at a time anymore anyway lol. What these numbers mean I really don’t know. I spend no time on the insights portion of my IG page. I’m sure I’m posting at the wrong time, all the time.

I’m working with children and whether I like it or not, that comes with the responsibility of respectability. I don’t think the issue is with the children as much as it is their parents. Placing myself in a parent’s shoes, I don’t know if I’d want my kid coached by an Olympian twerking all over IG no matter how good their coaching is. As much as I’d like to booty-pop to Kendrick Lamar’s newest song, which is a welcomed comeback for hip-hop, the vision I have of my future career will be hindered because of that type of content.

I know that Millenials and Gen-Z will change this, but for right now I’m pretty adamant that this is my final sacrifice. Probably for the best as social media doesn’t have the best reputation right now.

Maybe I can re-brand and reinvent my Instagram page to be more swimming focused, and feed clients into my business that way? I still feel the need to have a creative outlet, and it is a shame that IG will no longer serve that avenue of creativity like it used to for me but there are always other things.

What’s your final sacrifice this Scorpio season in order for you to discover the service you provide to the world in this lifetime? Feel free to comment below. X

Do You Even Zinc Bro?

I went to a Dinner at the North Node of Cancer the other night and we got onto discussing zinc. Everybody’s talking Zinc this, Zinc that, but nobody knows how to TAKE zinc to save their life.

Zinc is really fickle. Through various experimentation I’ve found the most bioavailable way to eat zinc is to eat oysters, obviously. I would eat oysters and then go walk for an hour so that your body absorbs as much zinc content as possible. If you do this for a few days without sex you’ll probably restore your body’s zinc stores quite rapidly. This is the rich way of restoring zinc.

Why avoid sex? Because semen is made up so heavily of the chemical compound of zinc. Did you know that a man can deposit almost all the zinc from his digestive tract upon ejaculation? If you have a high sex drive it would be wise to supplement zinc in higher doses. Zinc is a trace mineral, so taking it in small amounts over a long period of time is how our body absorbs it. It isn’t naturally synthesized within the body either, we must obtain it from nutritional resources.

The cheap way is to buy zinc supplements. I take Rite-Aid’s “natural” zinc supplement. I started on 50mg for a week and then bumped it up to 100mg. This is a lot more than the recommended daily dosage but I just don’t think my body absorbs zinc as well as others do, so I compensate by taking more. I have noticed that I can taste and smell more than I could before. This is what works for me, so you’ll have to listen to your body and see what works for you but remain consistent and try it for at least 6 weeks.

I take Zinc before bed, 2 hours after my last bite. I take it with magnesium, a 50 Billion probiotic, and stinging nettle root. I saw a Doctor on YouTube talk about how nighttime is the best way to take zinc. Apparently zinc can actually help us enjoy deeper sleep when taken before bed. I rarely have sleep problems and when I do it’s usually from the jetlag of travel and less because of a chemical imbalance.

Balance your chemicals and maybe it’ll help you get a good night’s sleep.

Things that have been known to inhibit zinc absorption are cigarettes and alcohol. So make sure you’re not drinking and smoking when trying to rebuild your zinc stores.

Monday Music: For The Love of Alanis Morissette

in
Photo Credit: Youtube

Photo Credit: Youtube

Last week we wrote of one Gemini twin, it would only seem fitting to write about another for balance : Alanis Morissette.

I remember being 5 years old and my parents asking me what I wanted for Christmas or my Birthday, they fall within 11 days of each-other. I’m almost certain it was my birthday. Anyway, her 3rd album effort Jagged Little Pill was taking the music world by storm.

My earliest memory of Lilith energy was probably Alanis Morissette now that I think about it. I remember watching the You Oughta Know music video on the Coca Cola Top 20 countdown on Sunday morning. It was rare for me not to be at Sunday School at church but for whatever reason I had missed it.

I remember the carrying of the guitar. The desert. The long-haired majestic brunette screaming down the microphone. When you’re a child at that age, you don’t understand lyrics of songs or what they mean. You’re 100% living off the energy from the strings, drums, and vocals.

When reading the lyrics to You Oughta Know these days I giggle because the song is SO inappropriate for a 5 year old to be listening to! And of course the “Parental Advisory” sticker on the front was totally the reason why my parents didn’t end up buying me the album for the 6th birthday. Probably a choice for the better in retrospect. I don’t think my Dad would’ve actually cared. They brought me Grand Theft Auto: Miami Vice the video game at 14, and we always went to the video shop with my Dad because he never cared what titles we chose or the restricted titles. I’m inclined to say it was more my Mother than my Father whom was bothered by the mature label sticker on the album front cover.

What’s funny is that I remember my mum seriously contemplating buying the album for Christmas. I remember we were at St. Luke’s Mall doing Christmas shopping at the CD store behind the Wendy’s Ice-Cream shop on the bottom floor. In retrospect, I think my mum herself was curious about the album and music. I think she too was drawn to the Lilith energy of this music.

I remember her standing there looking at the front cover and I was pleading, nay, begging her to get it for me for Christmas! Had I been more socially savvy I would’ve said: “Get it for us for Christmas!” And then it could’ve been our cute little bonding moment. Instead her eyes couldn’t move past the “Parental Advisory” sticker on the front cover and she scrunched up her nose and said the soul-destroying word: “No.” Her Lilith in Virgo had beaten her North Node in Leo, perhaps for the better.

It’s okay though. We both fell in love with Alanis’ music when I became of age to hear it. Perhaps if NZ had been like the US and there were edited versions of the album readily available then it would’ve been fine. Unfortunately NZ’s music market is so small that they couldn’t justify the cost of buying the edited versions of albums. CDs in the 90’s could cost upwards of $35! This is such an interesting analysis of supply/demand economics and how music stores back then really had to toe-the-line in order to stay profitable. Buying one too many albums that didn’t sell could lose the store money.

Anyway, it is no secret that the past 9 months I have staged an internal revolution of sorts. I’ve had to kill so many parts of myself in order to allow other parts of myself to prosper. This is big Lilith energy. Death and destruction but also the rising out of ashes like a phoenix.

I’ve been reprogramming and rewiring my brain. I’ve thrown myself into sharpening my skill-set of self-discipline. I’m no longer delaying things, I’m trying to stay on top of them as soon as they come. I’m learning to lean into responsibility and finding ways to enjoy it rather than run away from it.

If I sleep in one day and don’t get into the gym, I’m okay with that. I don’t self-obsess over things and I keep it all cool. It’s okay if I couldn’t get all my workouts done this week. I don’t have to be so perfect all the time.

My therapist is constantly encouraging me to practice self-tenderness. I can be so tough on myself sometimes but it’s because I have high expectations. I try to live as sensibly as possible. I make choices to balance my endocrine system and keep my hormones in homeostasis. But if I want a slice of pizza because I have a food craving, I honor that in the moment because I know if I don’t, I’ll end up bingeing and eating an entire pie in an act of self-destruction and deep self-loathing (bad Lilith energy).

I don’t know how I stumbled across “Thank U” once again but I’m glad that I did. It was probably somehow connected to David Odyssey’s standom of her.

Context is important with this song. It is not from Jagged Little Pill, it is from the follow-up album Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie. The previous year Mz. Morissette had been traveling and touring the entire world and was suffering from extreme burnout, both physically and emotionally.

The subsequent eighteen months after her incredibly successful tour, Mz. Morissette took a lot of time to decompress and re-evaluate. After a whirlwind of success, achieving all the accolades one could musically at the age of 21, Alanis took a 6 week trip to India in December 1996 after her tour. She took her Mum, two aunts, and two friends along with her.

India is an incredibly special place. I was blessed enough to go when I was 20 for the Commonwealth Games. We went together as a family, visited the Taj Mahal in Agra (the City of Love), picked out a beautiful rug that we got shipped to New Zealand, and I made the final for the 50M Breaststroke!

It was a time of spiritual awakening within myself also. I was confronted with poverty. Real poverty. The type that made me start asking questions about myself and my place within the world. The mechanisms and wheel was starting to turn in my brain about how beautiful, fleeting, and special life is. And that sure, I was flunking a math class or whatever, my struggles paled in comparison to others and it really taught me to appreciate my life.

This is why “Thank U” is such a special song to me. This metamorphosis I’ve been going through shedding several skins is very real and it is not pretend. It is authentic and people are picking up on it. The seismic shift into the Age of Aquarius is conjunct with my North Node and Venus. It’s my time to shine baby! I haven’t even peaked yet. Just you watch!

I’ve absorbed all this pain and it’s transforming me into something better but the change has been exhausting. It has taken so much out of me. So much so that during the New Moon, I stayed in that weekend and slept the entire time. Part of me knew I have so much work to do but I knew it would be beneficial for me to slow down and recuperate. The past 6 months I would’ve just muscled through this feeling and got shit accomplished, but MercuryRX is a moment that teaches us to slow down for a minute.

I know this blog post is long, but I think this quote about the song sums up where I am in my life. During her VH1 Storytellers appearance, Mz. Morissette explained:

"I felt that I lived in a culture that told me that I had to consistently and constantly look outside myself to feel this elusive bliss. And I achieved a lot of what society had told me to achieve and I still didn't feel peaceful. I started questioning everything, and I realized that actually everything was an illusion and it was scary for me because everything I had believed in was dissolving in front of me and there was a death of sorts, a really beautiful one ultimately, but at first a very scary one, and so I stopped. I stopped for the first time and I was overcome with a huge sense of compassion for myself first, and then naturally that translated into my feeling and compassion for everyone around me and a huge amount of gratitude that I had never felt before to this extent. And that's why I had to write this song, 'Thank U,' because I had to express how exciting this was and how scary it was and all of these opportunities for us to define who we are."

The bridge is very special to me:
”The moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more that I could handle,
The moment I jumped off of it, was the moment I touched down”

Monday Music: For The Love Of Azealia Banks

Why not start our new week off with a little controversy? I absolutely adore Azealia Banks and while all you white gays get your panties in a twist, let me tell you why.

Me and my roommate have discussed this at length and it can be summed up with the following sentence: "I feel like the real gays love Azealia, and the basic gays don't." Can you tell that neither of us are basic? Lol. That’s because both of us have developed thoughts and opinions away from the programming machine of our own accord, probably because we're in touch with our pineal glands. We can both discern realness from bullshit quite easily and it’s something you can only obtain by living on a higher-frequency. Some of y'all really can't detect bullshit. It never ceases to amaze me how many of you sided with this Cuban douchebag over a majestic lyricist Witch from Harlem!

People cancelled her for calling Perez Hilton a fagg*t on Twitter. Let's sit and talk about it. This is the same Perez Hilton who published a photo of a gun on a t-shirt that said: "SAVE BRITNEY!" in 2007. The same Perez Hilton who terrorized his former BFF, Lady Gaga, and contributed to the demise of her career during the ARTPOP era. The same Perez Hilton who published photos up Miley Cyrus' skirt while she was still an underage teenager. The same Perez Hilton who called Will.I.Am. a fagg*t at a music event on camera? Question: where is Perez Hilton’s cancellation card? Because that shit is well overdue.

If you hate Azealia Banks for her words, thoughts, and different opinions, but refuse to hold somebody like Perez Hilton accountable to their disgusting behavior and actions, then you need to restructure your priorities.

TL;DR: we've been hypnotized into hating a black woman at the expense of a horrible human being and this shit makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. If you posted a black square this past summer for BLM but then shit on Azealia Banks, you're a big part of the problem. Go in the corner and think about how all your opinions and thoughts aren't actually yours, but have instead been pre-selected, created, designed, and mandated by algorithims and social media. We are supposed to be the ones programming the machine, but it is in fact the machine that begins to program us instead.

The media is also a part of this program because they're dependent on social media to distribute their news. Cancellation and the subsequent canceling is harmful because it robs us of a teachable moment. Azealia Banks has apologized for using the word but you won’t ever read about that in the news because it doesn’t get Facebook clicks, likes, and shares.

Long story short: y'all chose Perez Hilton over Azealia Banks and if this is the priority in your life then I'm sorry but we probably can't be friends.

ANYWAY NOW TO THE REASON WHY I ACTUALLY LOVE AZEALIA BANKS: I have a little sister who is 10 years younger than me and her skin is a lot darker than my own. Me and my older sister are plain white bread, while our little sister is delicious slice of pumpernickel. We all share the same genetic code through our bone structure, so when you look at our faces, you can see and recognize that we're siblings: we have similar eyes, hair texture, and our facial features share a closeness.

New Zealand is by and large an incredibly tolerant place, but you'd be a fool not to think racism exists there. Growing up, it was always the micro-aggressive actions that really stood out. There were many times we'd go into a grocery store with one of my Tongan cousins wearing backpacks. Upon exiting, and sometimes on occasion when entering into the grocery store, my dark skinned cousin or cousins would routinely get their bags checked for stolen goods before walking in or out of the store. Do you think the security guards bothered to stop and check the bags of me and my white older sister? Of course not. And it's one of those small and subtle moments that you realize that you're walking through life with a different experience from another, purely based upon the color of your skin.

This is light racism. The heavy racism I experienced in the USA? Far more sinister. The racism here is overt and far more uncomfortable. So many things I saw that really didn't sit well within my spirit. I don't want to get too heavily into it because it can depress me if I think too much about it, but to make a long story short: I learned real quick that if my little dark skinned sister moved to Texas, her experience moving through the world would be vastly different to my own. This is called privilege, and it is a tough pill to swallow. It is something I still feel extremely guilty and incredibly uncomfortable about.

This is why the whole BLM movement in recent years has been so frustrating for me because this is something I've been experiencing my whole life. Where the fuck have the rest of you been? Why did it have to become some trending topic on the timeline for you to finally sit up and take notice? It actually infuriates me that it took some of you being confronted with racism, inches from your face on a cellphone screen in order to galvanize you into doing something. All it should've taken was a little bit of attention to the outside world around you to realize that this world is racist.

I value people who have formed actualized opinions obtained through real-world experience over a newspaper article telling me what I should think and how I should feel about racism. Jesus Christ, open your eyes to the world around you. When you’re in NYC and you go to Whole Foods, have you ever stopped to notice that almost everybody working the cashier is a minority? Have you ever even bothered to ask yourself why this is?

ANYWAY, this Monday Music Song is called Liquorice by Azealia Banks. I played it for my little sister one day in the car driving around Auckland City. I explained to Hine-Chicken (my nickname for her) that the song is an anthem for all the dark skinned girls out there. The kind of girls that have been told time and time again through media images and portrayals of women that they aren't the typical standard of mainstream beauty: Liquorice is an anthem for them.

This song says: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I behold myself bitch." The song also says: "I am fucking beautiful and if you can't see the beauty in me, that's your problem, not my problem." In a world where we are conditioned to feel deep shame and a palpable self-hatred toward ourselves in an effort to buy more product, it is a beautiful and revolutionary act to choose to love yourself. The song is giving: "This world is going to convince me that I'm not good enough but you know what? I am here and I am good enough." Those are the vibes.

So this is the anthem I share with my little sister and we've since created a bit of a bond over Azealia Banks' music! Her favorite track is "Ice Princess" though, which features heavily on her Playlist rotation. Pretty AB and her music represent a whole bunch of different emotions for me. Which is fine because this is what a good Gemini does: they get you asking interesting questions and thoughts about life. Don’t hold them accountable though! Just enjoy them in the moment and let it be.

I want you to ask yourself: are all your opinions self-actualized? Or are all of them predisposed and hand-picked for you?

While you ponder this, can we please enjoy the sensuality of Liquorice's chorus:

"Can I catch your eye, sir?
Can I be what you like, yeah
I could be the right girl
Tell me if you like your lady in my-my* color
Can I be your type? yeah

I could set you right, whoa
How are you tonight, sir?
I’m living my life, ooh
Hope ya feel alright, yeah"

*For the longest time I used to think the lyrics were: "Tell me if you like your lady in my night color" - “my night color” is so much more powerful than “my-my color”, so I sing "my night color" instead.

Lil Nas X totally jacked his whole black Cowboy aesthetic from this music video. Nothing is new and someone turns 18 everyday.

AMINI'S COFFEE: THE COFFEE OF CHAMPIONS

We take a break from our regular scheduled programming about how much discipline you lack in your life to discuss my everyday coffee ritual!

Y’all. I didn’t start drinking coffee until I was 30. I started after reading it helps with gallbladder problems. I was having gallbladder issues and since I’ve started drinking coffee they’ve subsided considerably. I read somewhere about the acidity of coffee and how it helps breakdown gallbladder sludge/stones or something. That’s a totally different conversation, but long story short: filtered coffee helps the gallbladder.

So does 1 glass of red wine after dinner, allegedly. The trouble is that nobody wants to stop at 1 glass! Discipline my sweets. I don’t drink alcohol on a daily basis personally because I’m way too vain. I’m so glad it isn’t my vice. Alcohol is dehydrating. When I’m dehydrated, I feel gross.

I’m wanting to keep this Tropikaux-puss-puss hydrated and glowing honey. How it finna glow on a diet of musty and fermented grape juice? You are what you eat so some of you are musty grapes and that’s okay: awareness is key.

Gosh. My ADD is off the chain today. Now where were we? Oh yes. This coffee combination is going to change your life. You will never have your coffee the same way again ever. There’s something about this combination that just works and we are going to get into it right now.

DIRECTIONS:
Step 1) Get 1 x mug of black filtered coffee
Step 2) Add 2 x scoops of Marine Collagen peptides (it’ll crystallize on the surface of the coffee)
Step 3) Open 2 x Red Panax Ginseng capsules and add to coffee
Step 4) Sprinkle Organic Cinnamon Powder (optional)
STEP 5) Chase 2 x Maca Root capsules when the coffee is cooler than 176°F/80°C

WOWZAH! Now let’s breakdown why this concoction is so powerful.

Red Panax Ginseng
You know how you go to the gas station and they have those boner pills? You know the ones. They sell them for like $20 a pill and they’re all about love-making and sex or whatever. If you were to look at the chemical that most of those pills are, they’re all a derivative of some type of Ginseng.
Ginseng is a root plant similar to ginger and there are several different types depending on where you are in the world. There’s Siberian Ginseng, American Ginseng, Korean Ginseng, and countless others. Through my research, I find that Red Panax is the most powerful and potent.
The root works to open up blood vessels and allow blood flow through the body. This is why they’re “boner pills” because they open up the blood vessels around the groin that allow more blood flow to go to, well, downstairs lol.
But the blood-flow opens up everywhere, including the brain! Ginseng is known to increase alertness and apparently multiple studies have shown that it helps caffeine become more bio-available, meaning our bodies absorb more caffeine than it typically would without Ginseng.
WARNING
Ginseng is a known hormone disturber if you take it longer than 2 weeks at a time. I do 2 weeks on, 1 week off. The 1 week off is always tough but I do notice it makes the 2 weeks on become much more effective and I’m protecting my precious hormones.

Marine Collagen Peptides

As we get closer to 30 we produce less collagen. Less collagen production means more fine lines and wrinkles. Multiple studies have shown that collagen peptides can help supplement the lost collagen that our bodies begins to stop producing.

But I take mine for gut health. Collagen peptides have plenty of non-essential and essential amino acids that help with digestion. Glycerine is one of them and I believe glutamine is another. You only have to look at the side of the package to see how many different amino acids are in this miracle powder. I don’t believe that collagen can fix and heal the gut, but I believe it can protect it from any further damage if it is indeed under stress.

I started having shoulder trouble this last Olympic cycle and I believe it was most probably joint pain from overuse of my right shoulder. This was the official diagnosis given to me by Team Tonga’s Physiotherapist at the Olympics. Upon further research I believe it might have been several different things including overuse. One of the things I realized is that I was suffering from “damp-heat” but that’s a blog post for another time.

After consistently taking Marine Collagen peptides and I do feel my right shoulder pain subsiding quite substantially. I don’t think this collagen is the type that “sticks” or rebuilds anything, I think it’s just a supplementary to what our body already produces.

One of the criticisms of collagen is that our body doesn’t efficiently break it down. This is why I recommend taking collagen with something highly acidic like coffee so that it helps synthesize the protein. One of the most popular collagen supplements on the market contains Vitamin C injunction with the collagen to help dissolve the collagen. I would NOT use this collagen supplement for coffee. I repeat: DO NOT USE THIS TYPE OF COLLAGEN IN YOUR COFFEE.

Why? Because the Vitamin C and the acidity of the coffee is too much acidity, and it will start to synthesize and break down the collagen beyond recognition before it gets to where it needs to go. This popular type of collagen is the best used for smoothies or teas where the acidity is low and the body needs it to break it down.

If you are putting collagen in your black coffee, you don’t need an added Vitamin C synthesizing agent. I would go with this brand WITHOUT the Vitamin C synthesizing instead. It has never led me wrong!

Maca Root

Did you know some people call Maca root “Peruvian Ginseng” ?!? There’s something about them Peruvians. And that something I suspect has to do with the Maca Root. A known hormone booster and great for the human libido. Maca is an adaptogenic plant, meaning it gives our bodies the ability to adapt or resist what's going on in and around us. Things like anxiety, stress, and depression.

Maca is temperature sensitive, so I take mine at the end of my coffee when I know it is less than 176°F/80°C. I used to mix it into my hot coffee but after learning that the super-food properties combust at high temperatures, I switched it out.

If you like Iced Coffee, you can open the capsules and sprinkle the Maca root on top of the ice the same way you would with like cinnamon or whatever. When taking supplements we’re minimizing how much cellulose goes into our bodies because cellulose and vegetable cellulose feeds candida. With as many supplements that we take, we have to be weary of cellulose and vegetable cellulose because they have the ability to collect within the body and constipate us. Gelatin capsules are fine because they’re more bioavailable by the human body, but gelatine capsules break easily and are expensive so most supplements use cellulose or a derivative of that chemical.

Organic Cinnamon Powder

Did you know that cinnamon is an anthelmintic? That means it helps the body expel parasites and pathogens out of the digestive tract. We really don’t want parasites or pathogens growing inside of our bodies. If you think I’m joking, I’m totally not. Things like mold, mildew, and all kinds of fungus are capable of growing inside our digestive tract. I’m being 100% serious.

In TCM, the main use of cinnamon is to help with yang deficiency. Yin is a certain kind of energy, yang is a different kind of energy. Both pertain to different organs. Through balancing our yin and our yang we can find our most optimal place of health.

Yang is a deficiency that primarily affects our kidneys, which affects the following five body parts: the Small intestine, Triple Heater, Large intestine, Gallbladder, and Urinary Bladder.

What is the Triple Heater? In Mandarin-Chinese it means San Jiao, which means "triple burner". And there are 3 different parts that make up the triple burner. The upper burner relates to organs in the thorax and the breathing function (throat and neck). The middle burner relates to the organs on top of the stomach and the digesting function (liver, gallbladder, pancreas and spleen). The lower burner relates to the organs below the abdomen and the urogenital functions. When the three burners function well, then the organs are in synergy.

Cinnamon is also a known testosterone booster, so Gentlemen should definitely dust this on their coffee for a libido boost in the bedroom and a bit of extra strength in the weight room. Cinnamon helps regulate blood sugar levels with people who have insulin resistance. But cinnamon also Cinnamaldehyde appears to increase blood glucose absorption, which makes me think that too much of it too often in coffee can increase high blood pressure, especially when taken injunction with a sugary snack… Cinnamon helps your body absorb sugar more, and that can’t be a great thing for our health and our gut so I’m strictly no sweetener and no sugary treats with this coffee concoction.

PLEASE TRY THIS COFFEE! IT IS A PERFECT WAY TO START THE DAY. IT IS GREAT FOR GETTING OUT OF BED DEFEATING DEPRESSION. YOU WILL LITERALLY FEEL YOUR BLOOD VESSELS OPENING UP AND YOU’LL FEEL MORE BLOOD FLOWING ALL AROUND YOUR BODY!

Give yourself a leg up on everybody else with energy and boosted hormones by having AMINI’S COFFEE: THE COFFEE OF CHAMPIONS.

This song is what my brain feels like after drinking this coffee:
I just wanna feel good
Gotta lay down ,with some good kush
Got a good girl, a real good bush
Come and go get, a real good puss

Dinner At The North Node of Cancer

I went to the most fabulous dinner party at my friend Tommy’s house in Park Slope on Monday night. I rode my bike over in the misty weather. It was refreshing. I played great music on the way there.

As I crossed the Brooklyn Bridge, I took a wrong turn at the beginning and accidentally took my Citibike down the wood-paneled path across the bridge instead of the newly created bike lane. My bicycle hit every single wood-panel along the Brooklyn Bridge. Rickty-rick! That was the noise it made on every single wood panel. It was so embarrassing. Ugh, MercuryRX!

Anyway, as I exited the Brooklyn Bridge I was in my old neighborhood of Downtown Brooklyn. It was wild getting off on Tillary Street and reminded me of the good old days of my apartment in Cobble Hill with Shanta! As I entered Park Slope, my Spotify decided to play “Ablaze (MUNA Remix),” which immediately reminded me of David Odyssey! And I so wished and hoped that I’d see David at Tommy’s house.

I discovered this song when David did Alanis Morisette’s star chart on the Luminaries podcast. I believe the song was posted on David’s stories and I was curious about it. So I played it and wow, what a time and moment in my life to be discovering such a beautiful song.

After parking my Citibike I bought a bottle of water (Poland Spring) and then clambered up the stairs to Tommy’s apartment. As I took my shoes off in the hallway I heard David’s voice and my consciousness immediately entered the higher-realm.

Speaking of which, when I opened Tommy’s door and saw the beautiful faces awaiting me on the other side, I wondered if I had in fact entered heaven. David was talking to my favorite Jew: Gloria. Glorious Gloria and David chitter-chatting away is what I walk into and I already know the night is going to be memorable.

I hunt David down and harass him about the last Tarot Card reading he did for me. If you want to get your Star Chart and Tarots read by a Pro, David is the absolute best. The last time we did a reading was in our Chelsea apartment in November/December 2020. There was a lot that I learned. David told me that I was sleeping on my Lilith and that it was time for me to start using that powerful part of my Star chart.

So basically the entire past year has been a journey of discovering my Lilith energy and harnessing it to manifest the life I want, all in a very safe way of course. Lilith is very dark energy. It is a destructive force if used incorrectly. When used effectively with truth, white light, and grace, you can get a lot with your Lilith I’ve learned. It can be us at our worst frequency, but it’s also teaches us about how to turn pain into something beautiful. Some of the best pieces of art in the world were created using Lilith energy.

David said he was glad that the tarots were of use and that he could see growth in me within the past year. He told me I seemed different. Then he asked my my age and I said 31. He laughed and cheekily said: “Ah yes, my peer in the industry!” So then I cackled and we kiki’d further.

This room is full of beautiful people. Open-minded and honest and really cool people. It is an environment where everybody feels safe. I felt safe discussing star charts, moons, planets, astrology, Lilith energy, North Nodes, South Nodes, the dreaded Saturn Return and Placidus. We also set intentions for the Fall.

Tommy’s North Node is in Cancer and I really felt like he was basking in that glory. It was a North Node dinner and it was Tommy’s North Node. We celebrate one another in this social circle and I think that’s really beautiful. There was a moment when we were all sitting around the table eating, after Tommy was done fluttering around in the kitchen and finally fixed himself a plate, which felt really nice. I felt warm and surrounded by such wonderful company.

I don’t know if it was the perfectly baked salmon that was hitting my stomach, or if it was the genuine presence of beautiful people, perhaps it was both? The dinner was a hit and I’m so glad I got to discuss all things astrology with loved ones.

Basically, this past summer presented itself a big opportunity for growth. Everybody, at some point, whether they realized it or not, were faced with making choices and decisions. We make choices and decisions everyday that shape our future. Our habits become our future, we carry them forward with us everywhere we go.

I know this is a coach and I preach it to my swimmers: you reap what you sew, perfection is sewn. I stole that quote from Beyonce, my favorite Virgo, and it really rings true. I think another one I think about a lot is: how are you going to win when you ain’t right within? That one comes from the most sincere and genuine Gemini I know: Lauryn Hill. Both of them I tell children because I think those messages are really important.

Accountability is important. Apologizing and righting a wrong is important. Keeping about your word, this is important. So many things happened this past summer and I kept my head down working, knowing that in the end justice will be served. There is so much Libra energy happening right now. It isn’t a coincidence that Britney Spears is finally freed from her 13 year slavery of a conservatorship operated by her family.

Everybody is getting their comeuppance. Are you a good person or not? That is the fundamental question. Do you take care of yourself? I have pristine habits, how about you? Do you value the temple, the body, the grateful vessel in which your mind and soul resides?

Deep down you know the answer. You can run away from your problems but they always find a way of catching up with you. There’s nowhere far enough you can runaway and hide from yourself. Don’t shy away from accountability, lean into it. Breathe that heavy sigh of relief and accept the inevitable. You either made a habit out of success this summer or you ran away from your problems. Either way, it is all coming to a head now and you have to understand that these situations were sewn months ago.

Accountability: that’s the first step towards showing growth in life. We are all held accountable to our karma at some point.

So that’s what we sat around and discussed. All the things we did during the summer. All lessons learned, habits formed, energy changed. It was the type of evening where I left feeling my mind, body, spirit and soul being cleansed.

It was the perfect place:

High Rise Apartment With High Rise Thoughts

It’s quite surreal this view that I look out on every morning in my new high-rise apartment. I see almost the entire northern side of western Manhattan. It really is quite something! I feel so blessed and highly favored every time I wake up to this gorgeous view.

Because I have a water moon, I have a tendency to get quite nostalgic. When I look out at my view, I’m flooded with memories and moments. Every street corner has a story or a past. I’ve surprisingly spent quite a bit of time in Hell’s Kitchen! Most of the memories seem long ago, while other memories feel like yesterday. It’s funny how perception and time warp depending on where we’re at in our lives. The moments that affect me most feel like yesterday, while the moments that don't affect me feel like many lifetimes ago.

I see the apartment of my best friend from college, Melissa, whom I go on weekly walks through Central Park with. I'm seeing her later today to do one more lap around Central Park together. She’s currently 9 months pregnant with her first child so life is going to change rather soon so I've got to absorb as much time as I possibly can! I'm looking forward to being a Guncle and visiting them in Pennsylvania when they move next month!

I can also see the old apartment of ex #2 who used to live in Hell’s Kitchen on 55th and 9th. That truly feels like several lifetimes ago but was really only 5 years prior. He was in town recently and we caught up for cocktails at Meme’s Mediterranean a couple blocks from my new place. That was the last time I drank actually and I had 2 cocktails.

It was fun and it felt like two old pals hanging out. Since our breakup he left his job and started his own start-up app. This was something I encouraged him to do our entire time together because I knew he was brilliant, I believed in him, and I envisioned him being really effective at running his own business. The skill-set was already there, he just needed the confidence. And here we are now, 6 years later, his business is thriving! I was shocked to hear the figures of monthly earnings. His dream was to create a passive income for himself and he's well on his way.

My dream 6 years ago when we were together was to build a hotel with my family. We did that as well and he was very supportive throughout, even setting up meetings with his best friend who was an architect. We went through our blueprint and his friend offered amazing advice on how to use our upstairs corner space.

We spoke these dreams into reality and while it didn't work out together as a couple, there's something significant about our time together that birthed the inception of these two businesses. I think that being part of a couple is believing in one another's dreams but only if you can realistically see that dream becoming a reality. The skill-set must be there. If the skill-set is there and I can see it, then I'm sold. If the skill-set is lacking, I'll offer a thought on what areas can be improved in order to maximize the potential to succeed. Every partnership should, within realistic reason and accurate observation, encourage the process of dreaming. Dreams are for free and the imagination can be a powerful tool for envisioning the life you want for yourself. Who knows? It might just happen ;)

A couple blocks north and one avenue west is another street corner of significance: 57th and 10th. This is where ex #4 would pick me up after swim practice while I was preparing for the Tokyo Olympics. That was a really special time of my life and feels like only yesterday. I really loved the way he drove his luxury vehicle with such precision and confidence up and down the west side highway.

Beyond this I see the George Washington Bridge, which I used to cross over everyday to go to practice at NYAC while preparing for Tokyo. I can’t see my former suburb of Fort Lee because there are buildings in the way. However, I can see the top of The Modern Tower that is a part of downtown Fort Lee. The Modern Tower are these 2 high-rise buildings next to each other with neon blue lighting around the top of each tower. This building is also another location of significance for me.

When I was living in Bergen County I used to stare at The Modern building all the time. I wasn’t making a lot of money at the time being a Starbucks Barista and all, so to save money on groceries I’d walk a mile to the bus stop and catch the bus to the Edgewater Trader Joe’s. As I’d pass through downtown Fort Lee I’d stare at that building and tell myself that one day we’d be living there. And this is what I’d fantasize about.

I’d dream that my swim lesson business would take off. I’d dream that I could finally leave my job at Starbucks and be doing what I love, which is teaching swimming and helping kids develop confidence in the water. I’d dream that I could afford an Uber to and from my groceries instead of taking the bus! Ha. I guess you could call these my Jersey DreamZ! This was The Jersey DreamZ era.

I would envision myself in the penthouse apartment of The Modern. I envisioned that it'd be south facing so we'd see the entirety of Manhattan's skyline. I envisioned that our south facing wall would host a green wall of sorts. Like a wall with tons of plants and beautiful ferns, palm trees, all luxury plants this, luxury plants that, framing and complimenting the view of the city with greenery. And when I saw myself living there, I didn't see myself living there alone...

Looking back, I remember there were some really rough days. The rough days were always the long ones. These were the types of days where I’d wake up at 5am to do an 8hr shift at Starbucks, followed by a commute into the city to do 2.5 hours of weight workouts and swim practice. Some days I'd finish with a private swim lesson, and after teaching I’d be shattered. Absolutely exhausted. Dozing in and out of sleep on both the subway train and bus ride home.

When I’d be on the bus heading towards Fort Lee, eyes tired, I’d stare at The Modern Tower. Then I’d close my eyes and imagine myself being in the penthouse of The Modern Tower. I wanted that south facing apartment. I wanted that green wall. I visualized myself living there, brewing a cup of coffee and getting ready for the day.

Then the bus would stop at the G.W.B. in Fort Lee and I’d always wish my body could somehow find a way to walk itself back home. Sometimes I'd get picked up at the bus stop and that was really nice. He'd roll in like a knight in shining Volvo and his handsome face always made me smile.

It was hard but hey, this was the path I chose. This is what I wanted to do. No point in complaining about it. I was building the life we wanted and it was going to take a lot of hard work to get there but I've never been afraid of hard work. Working hard is something I want associated with my name. I want that associated with me and my brand. I want kids to know that if I'm on the pool-deck coaching them, I'm working hard for them, and I can only hope in turn they feel inspired to work hard for me in return.

All of this hard work paid off. And now, I’m living in a high-rise apartment, overlooking The Modern Tower I used to stare at! The same tower I'd stare at catching my bus to do the groceries. The same tower I'd stare at catching my bus home after a 15hr long day of non-stop moving. The same tower I drew strength from to motivate myself to step my money game up. How oddly full circle is that? I'm truly blessed and highly favored but I earned it. My Aquarius North Node is full.

My Venus, the planet of love and devotion, is in Aquarius, which is conjunct with my North Node (also in Aquarius). This means doing what I love is only going to bring out the best in me. And the way in which I choose to show love is through service to others.

So I've made a career out of doing what I love and now I don't feel like I have to "work" a day in my life, and it just so happens that this is what's needed from me to have reached my nirvana according to my star chart. Leading a group doesn't come natural to an introvert like me, so it took a long time to get comfortable with the notion of steering the ship, but now that I've learned the skill, I do feel a deep sense of fulfillment in my life with what I currently do. That's what's really powerful about our North Node in our star charts, when we follow it, which is usually something outside of our comfort zone, this is where we'll find the most fulfillment in life.

Leading isn't something that comes natural to me but a skill I had to master in order to experience fulfillment in this life. I am a natural born leader and while it is uncomfortable, it is what I was brought here to do. Because my North Node is Aquarius, my South Node is going to be in direct opposition to the North Node. The South Node are all the skills from our previous life carried forward into this life.

Leo is in direct opposition to Aquarius in the star chart, so in my previous life I was some kind of entertainer or theatrical presence in this world. Leo is the sign of pride and performance. Leo as an astrological sign is also tied to aristocracy and the upper-echelon. If Aquarius is all about leading the masses, the people, and the underclass, Leo in direct opposition to this is all about exclusively, the elite of a select few, and the upper-class. Leo, the lion, is all about pride, honor, regality, and above all: putting on a show!

So my basic skill set from my former life (south node) is rooted in theater and performance. And the skill set I need to master in order to reach fulfillment in this life resides within the star sign of Aquarius. Aquarius is an air sign that's all about leadership and social change. Most revolutionists in history were Aquarius: Galileo the inventor of the telescope? Aquarius. Rosa Parks the civil rights activist? Aquarius. Abraham Lincoln, freer of slaves and writer of the Emancipation Declaration? Aquarius. Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb? Aquarius. All leaders. All innovators, revolutionizing their respective fields.

I don't know if I'm ever going to be that revolutionary in this life, lol. I do know that mastering the art of leadership is going to feed my soul so I'm heading in that direction. Learning and mastering leadership is really uncomfortable for me but in order to grow in this life, I really feel we need to be pushed outside of our comfort zone. When I'm leading and navigating a group, no matter how uncomfortable the experience might feel in the moment, I feel incredibly fulfilled once it's all over.

ANYWAY, all this to say, never underestimate the power of visualization. I dreamed of being in a high-rise and while it isn't south facing and I don't have a green wall yet, I'm well on my way. When you're in a tough spot, and you're thinking of giving up, think about that one thing you're wanting and visualize yourself getting that one thing it is that you want. It's the law of attraction but beyond that it's a quick way of motivating yourself to stay on track to achieve whatever it is your north node is telling you to do.

My Cleanse Is Wreaking Havoc On My Emotions

Ugh. I went another day without writing and I feel bad because this is a 30 day writing challenge. Good news is: readership is up! The website’s getting hits even when I don't post so that makes me feel like people are enjoying the pieces that are going up. I apologize for disappointing you yesterday. While not really a reason, more of an excuse: this cleanse is wreaking havoc on my emotions!

I'm not even a week into it and while working well for my health, the emotions are a little intense. Practitioners say that the mental effects and emotional strain of the cleanse was going to vary depending on how bad the illness is. I knew this was going to be quite bad.. nobody can ever really mentally prepare to deal with some of these emotions. One of the biggest reasons why most people give up this cleanse is because of the emotions associated with it, so practitioners say it’s best to postpone the cleanse until one feels strong enough to go through it.

Physically, I have a pretty high pain threshold. I've always told myself that I'm tougher than most because I'm an Olympian. Perhaps this is a lie bc these emotions are way worse than any physical pain I've ever felt from training. And I really love to push my body to its limits with training, so I like to think I know a ting or two about dealing with toughness because I do tough training everyday.

Emotional pain though? Turns out I'm a wimp. I can't seem to get it together. I'm practicing self-tenderness like my therapist encourages, but I'm still walking around really fucking angry all the time.

According to TCM, every organ is related to a certain emotion. The lungs are associated with grief, the kidneys are associated with fear, the spleen is associated with worry, etc. Can you guess what the liver is responsible for? If you guessed anger, resentment, and contempt, then you'd be right. So this would explain the intense rage that I keep finding myself in. The hormones are angry hormones and my body is releasing them.

I don't think I am a particularly angry person and maybe that's the problem. Instead of releasing my anger in the moment and allowing myself to really go into an emotion I'm uncomfortable with, I bottle it up. I think that by suppressing it, I'm going to help myself and others around me by not tapping into that emotion, and in some instances perhaps maybe it does help. It certainly gives me more time to think.

Me and my therapist discuss at great length the reasons why I avoid the feeling of anger. It's definitely connected to my childhood. I grew up in a childhood home where there was a lot of rage. There was a lot of love too, don't get me wrong. Love my family to death. But there was a lot of anger in our childhood home.

I remember as a kid not wanting to be an angry person when I grew up so I just pretended that emotion didn't exist. And now here I am, 32 years into life, paying the physical price of a messed up stomach because I avoid this emotion rather than feeling it.

Our childhoods affect us in ways we don't even know! And what's crazy is that as I'm doing this cleanse, it's as if my body is releasing years worth of anger, resentment, and contempt that has accumulated and calcified. The only person this unreleased anger hurts is myself and I refuse to die with liver toxicity due to repressed rage! So I’m getting it out there.

I went into a Starbucks with my best friend Melissa for our weekly walk in Central Park on Mondays, and I smelled something. Since I started my cleanse my sense of smell as intensified. And it wasn’t just any cologne either. Louis Vuitton, the most expensive one. The guy wearing it was Middle Eastern and decked out in Kenzo.

It was the smell of somebody I used to know. It took me back to a weird time and place. My heart felt, and still feels, somewhat unfinished. Closure is a fickle thing and oftentimes it escapes us. A big part of growing up in life is learning to sit with the ambiguity of it all. This is such a big part of the human condition. I know now that people are very lucky in life if they get any semblance of closure on things, and that a lack of closure is actually the norm.

I mentioned the smell to Melissa without mentioning the association and asked her thoughts on the scent. She said it was nice but that it was also heavy. This made me laugh. Mel prefers lighter, fresher scents. I named the scent and the guy wearing it turned around. He was impressed with my knowledge of colognes. Then me and Mel fell down a rabbit hole discussing scents!

Thank GOD Mel was there as a distraction. But as I'm writing about it now and realizing, the smell might have been triggering for me. Fortuna and Mercury were both being quite cruel to me that fateful Monday. We don't even go to Starbucks! We usually go to Dunkin' but that day they ran out of iced green tea. I’m inclined to say that the Universe wanted that to happen.

Why did the Universe want me to have that experience? Who knows. I started thinking about my life and how happy I am with where I currently am. Things are really starting to take-off for me at the moment and it makes me happy to see all the hard work and patience I've put into my career is starting to pay off, literally.

I needed to develop my skills as a Coach, and the only way I can do that is if I'm out there in the field developing that skill. Like I told y'all, anything in life is a skill and it can be learned, honed, and perfected. There was a time where I couldn't coach because the pandemic was still very much uncertain and my roommate was autoimmune compromised. The choice was either to stay and not work and accrue debt, waiting for the pandemic to end; or, I could find a new place, continue to work and pay rent/bills, and start learning and honing my craft.

I made the very difficult decision of doing the latter and obviously it was the right choice for a long list of reasons. For one, I learned how to be a good coach. I got that pool-deck experience. Now I'm feeling super confident in my job. I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm really proud of the work that I produce. The kids can see my love and passion for my job and it shows in their positive reviews.

My company knows this and they continue to give me work. I even got a text from the President himself, thanking me for the work that I do. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even respond. I know! Terrible. Sorry David but you know how grateful I am to work with you. Please keep sending me work! Haha. Typical Venus in Aquarius not knowing how to react to emotions lol.

I know people will read this and think I’m bragging and so what? I’m good at what I do and why can’t I celebrate that! I'm sick and tired of surrounding myself with people who are threatened by my success. Me succeeding has no bearing on your level of achievement whatsoever, that's all decided by you and your work ethic!

This next part of the blog post is directed to all my haters.

I take full satisfaction knowing that every time you tear me down, you take one step further away from building happiness and success for yourself. So keep tearing me down at the expense of no-one but yourself. Nothing you do affects me, it only affects you. Isn’t it funny how it works?

This form of magic is powerful yet effortless because it harnesses the natural governing rules of Universal Law. Kind of genius if you think about it.

I'm entering a phase of great abundance in my life. Me and my roommate were discussing it last night on our Restoration Hardware leather couch. Isn't it crazy how changing the energy around you can also change your ability to connect with the universal law of attraction?

I truly believe that because me and my roommate have a kinship that's locked into a higher-frequency, we're able to attract and magnetize so much together. We almost never argue, and when we do it is so healthy because there's a mutual respect for one another. We might disagree on something but we don't think the other person is stupid because of it. We recognize that life is complicated and we can both be right and wrong at the same time. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong, what matters is that we work towards a solution together. And maybe it’ll take a little compromise from one, more compromise from the other, but that’s life. That’s love. That’s how you make a household run. You keep your eyes, ears, and most importantly, heart, open to all.

One thing I know for sure with my current roommate is this: we always come back to this place where we're trying to uplift one another. We are both hard working people. Extremely hard-working, both of us. Neither of us lack discipline and both of us are considerate of the other person’s feelings. This creates a solid foundation rooted in trust because we both know neither of us has malignant intent. It really is quite mature how we handle our day-to-day. We don't sweat the small stuff. We save the drama for when it counts.

Even reading these words will hurt but rather than focusing on the pain of those words, why not try and find a lesson in there somewhere? Maybe you’ll learn how to have a healthier dynamic in your interpersonal relationships. Maybe you can finally silence the ego of your inner-child. The whiny one that always seems to find a reason to give up.

There’s a war that's waging within every human-being between the adult and the child. I want you to ask yourself: why do you keep allowing the child to win, each and every time?

I dare you to be an adult and to grow and to change. I dare you to make the difficult decision of being happy for me, the same way I’m always choosing to be happy for you. Do you know how many times I’ve chosen to be happy for other people’s success while I’ve been in a dark and miserable place?!? Countless times, man. Countless times! Yet I still choose to be happy for them because being anything other than that repels good things away from me. I want success in my own life and I learned long ago that resenting the accomplishments of others is only going to drive success away from me. Instead I channel that energy into the things I can control within myself to be a better person.

Why is it so hard for humans to be happy for others? I dare you to be happy for another person’s success instead of resentful. Go on hater, do it! Most people can’t and many people won’t. Why buck the trend and break the cycle? And so the vicious path of Saturn returning continues until you decide to learn a lesson in humility.

Overcoming pride, hubris, and ego is a fast track to the North Node. However, it takes a world of strength, hard work, and self-discipline to get there. Are you strong enough to be with me at the North Node? I want you at the North Node with me. I really hope you choose that path. But only you can make that decision.

While awaiting your Saturn return, I'll set fire to the rain.

Sorry For Not Writing Yesterday

Yesterday was weird. I apologize for not publishing a blog post. I did write something yesterday and published it very briefly but once I started reading it, I decided it would be best to leave it unpublished.

For whatever reason, yesterday I felt off-kilter. My emotions were all over the place and I felt incredibly charged. My body felt hot. I felt this underlying, seething, white hot rage as I went about my day. How funny is it that only the previous day I was talking about how important it is to have low cortisol levels! And then here we are very next day with cortisol seeping out of every pore. Perhaps it was because the moon started in Pisces and quickly shifted to Aries the next day. Maybe it's because I'm back to being a health nut again and my body is detoxing. Who knows!?

In any endeavor, that aggressive tone made its way over into my writing and it was not good. So I decided to stop what I was doing and practice some self-awareness. I went to the gym to de-stress, which is usually my outlet but yesterday it seemed to make things worse. I then sat in the dry sauna for 20 minutes, trying to sweat it out. And all of a sudden it got worse.

I called my therapist and we spoke about it. They suggested I do activities to de-stress other than the gym. They also said that anxiety, anger, and sadness are both all very normal feelings to be experienced when going through a cleanse or detox program. They said that the gym is beneficial for the detox process, as is the Sauna, but overwhelming the body with a strong detox will come with overwhelming emotions. The stronger the detox, the stronger the internal cleansing. The stronger the emotions, the more necessary the detox is. After a quick Google search I see that the G.I. tract is associated in Traditional Chinese Medicine with feelings of anger, resentment, contempt, lack of forgiveness, and sadness. They don't call it "liver fire" for nothing!

Wow! These are literally exactly all the feelings I've been experiencing throughout this lifestyle change. I'm glad that I'm making this brain, body, gut-heath connection!

So at the advice of my therapist, I decided that as a means of de-stressing, I'd dance in my room for a little bit. Lol! Sorry, can't talk! Gotta dance! Literal Doctor's orders. I put my headphones in and danced to Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, and Nicki Minaj. I gyrated my hips and threw my arms around like a crazy person. I did it with the blinds open too, so that all my neighbors could see what mental instability looks like, lmao.

But seriously, I felt so much better afterwards. Them therapists know a good ting or two when you find a good one that you can trust and open up to. Today's song goes to Britney Spears. Yes, the tabloid Queen has been splattered everywhere lately but I really love Britney Spears, the artiste. I always thought Britney had much more depth to her after watching the "Stronger" music video at 10 years old. I remember thinking: "she's really pretty but she's really saying something here!"

The song has become an anthem lately of sorts. When I was training for Tokyo 2020 and living in Chelsea, I'd Citi-bike home from NYAC and blast this song in my ears.

It was until recently that I realized the lyric: "My loneliness ain't killing me no more" is actually a play on the lyrics from Baby One More Time ("My loneliness, is killing me"). Now I do my daily high intensity interval training while listening to this song!

Honestly, Britney's mind y'all we don't deserve her! Literally curing my depression alongside Onika Tanya Maraj and Stefani Germanotta:
”You might think that I won’t make it, on my own.
But now I’m stronger than yesterday,
Now it’s nothing but my way!”